The harder I am working on designing my own life, the more I am changing and growing and the more I am letting go, I am finding new and unfamiliar territory within myself. Like I find keys to open up forbidden rooms inside, rooms which used to be hidden behind the shadows and the cluttered mess of my past.
But these new rooms are clean, they smell like fresh paint and open skies. It’s easy to breath in here. So easy that I get a little scared and wait for the choking feeling to return. But it doesn’t come. I swallow the sky, the light and the invisible birds. Until they are inside me – and my tummy is like a soft dome inside the room, holding important treasurers and things I used to take for granted but never really had. Beauty everywhere. It’s almost too much. My breaths like a rolling sea. Overdose of light. I start to cry. The united states of being. Blending. Building.
Beating above the dome.
I don’t know why I am crying. But it is like a song without any lyrics. I don’t know this song and I am suddenly mute. But somewhere inside this unfamiliar room I can hear myself making sense of it all.
And it is so incredible that I can only sense it for a few seconds at a time. Collecting them like pieces of a mystery that I will solve once I’ve decorated the room so it’ll finally feel like home.