I’m still not well in my health, but I feel happy and inspired – and I am filled with a warm sense of Christmas spirit. I’m gently approaching my art again, so I won’t feel stressed or pressured. It’s been such a long time since I was in that wonderful flow of creativity and imagination and I need to slowly work myself up to that place – because that’s where the magic happens and that’s where I truly belong. I’ve learned so much about myself and about creativity during these 6 hard years where I’ve been struggling with blockages and self doubt. As soon as you start doubting your own talent or comparing yourself to other artists, you’ll lose the joy of creating and the connection to your natural artistic language. Then you start avoiding it all, because you just feel like a big failure, that’s when you feel like you are blocked. The only thing you’re blocked by is your own fear of not being good enough. I thought it was about changing style, technique, environment, supply, routines or to wait for new divine inspiration – but it’s all about refocusing on what the creativity means to you and your life, redefining why you choose to be an artist and to isolate your mind from outside influences in order to reconnect with your core where the artistic expressions are born. And to work on the self esteem of course.
I still have some work to do when it comes to my self esteem.
This has been a long year. In the beginning of the year, I was sort of ‘homeless’, living with my parents, I was broke, with all my things in a self storage place, heartbroken and sad – and here I am, putting up Christmas decorations in my new apartment, I have a new boyfriend who is the kindest, sweetest, most generous person I have ever known, my heart is healing, just like the scars inside my mind – I am still broke but even so, I am happier and more hopeful than I’ve ever been. All I need now is better self esteem and more money. I’ve got the rest covered. I guess those things are perfect challenges for me to take on next year.