It’s a night of so many emotions. I feel wide open. Like I can absorb the night and turn it into words. The midnight hour is hiding both my abstractions and my secrets. Like shadows drowning in its own darkness. My body yearning to be touched. A soft flickering light. Or is it my heart? Nights are a destination. A cemetery for memories. A garden of dreams. I bury myself in its stillness. I feel safe here.
It’s been a very intense week. So much is happening at the same time. Even if it’s all good, I feel like I am falling off the edge of my own little world at times. Which is healthy. Sometimes you need the sensation of falling to be able to travel to a new place. Those places you can’t get to in any other way. Like making the impossible possible by inventing a new gravity and laws of physics just by taking chances. Risks. To allow life to expose itself and not just be a comfortable backdrop to your own drama. If I have been in a transitional period recently, I’m now in the period of learning. Learning how to trust. Love. Be. Think. Learning how to act in a social context. Learning how to balance the good with the bad. How to get use to kindness. How to not confuse my own heart. Learning the anatomy of sensuality. Seduction. Eroticism. Learning how to spot the difference between fear and instincts. Between lust and attraction. And learning how to distinguish between the pointless and the significant.
It’s a process of trial and error. I stumble and fall. Here’s the importance of falling again. I won’t ever learn anything if I’m not allowed to fall once in a while. The most important thing is that I’ll get back up again. That’s how babies learn how to walk. That’s also how you overcome a trauma. It’s the basic element of any evolution or change. I just need to remind myself of that a little more often.
The night is shifting depth in the dark tones. I’m still wide open. I’ll let it blindfold me. Slowly .