Category: ALL POSTS
MIA MAKILA VIDEO MESSAGE: “Good times are coming!”
The face of a woman who’s falling in love with a man
When Tomorrow Comes – Anna Ternheim
INKED MAGAZINE [Oct-Nov 2014]
Yesterday I finally got a hold of the October/November 2014 issue of Inked Magazine, where my art is featured in a pretty little article!
Little Jinder – Vita Bergens Klockor
Esther Ofarim- A Taste of Honey
A restless hunger
I feel so restless. Hungry for life. It seems like it hasn’t really started yet. I’m still trapped in this waiting room. A room filled with vibrations and silence running backwards through itself. My heart is made of sunshine – electric beats are rumbling loudly as I shine upon the world. It is finally mine to conquer.
AVAILABLE ARTWORK 2015
The Beatles – Blackbird
Birthday
It’s my birthday today and I have never been this happy in my life! Fuck art blockages and being broke! Life is all about love and adventures and I have both! I also got this little birthday portrait made by digital artist Ilaria Novelli and I love it!
The stories behind my art: “Twisted Sisters”
This is the story about why I attacked my painting “Twisted Sisters” and broke it in two parts.
While I was working on “Twisted Sisters” in February 2011, I was struggling with a creativity blockage and a depression as a result. I tried everything to break the blockage; to keep painting even though my head was blank and empty on ideas and I hated every brushstroke (12 hours of this every day was pure torture), taking a break from painting (then feeling guilty for not creating art and feeling like a complete failure), trying new techniques, style, changing studio, buying a new easel, studying art, stop looking at art (over consumption), working according a schedule, working a few hours a day, a few hours a week, avoiding everything art related (panic attacks every time I got into the studio) etc.
“Twisted Sisters” was difficult to make because I felt like I was stuck in a style I wanted to move away from, but the new style I wanted to explore felt forced and uncomfortable. I felt like I was in between two different styles.
I wrote about working with “Twisted Sisters” in my diary:
“February 25, 2011
Oh, this painting is becoming more and more annoying! The new style doesn’t work and I struggle and insist on using old mannerisms although that’s what I don’t want. It’s like I’m not allowing myself to let go of the old, even though that’s exactly what I want to do. This painting will be another “in between work” and really has nothing to do with what I want to express. I feel lost. I totally understand the cliche why artists use drugs or alcohol to numb the pain while they are struggling with their work. It almost drives you insane.”
And that night I got so angry and frustrated with the painting that I attacked it and broke it in two parts. It felt really good. I wanted something to break because I was slowly breaking because of the rage, the despair and the frustration I felt.

A collector actually bought the destroyed painting and framed it, and boldly put it on the wall, just like music collectors frame smashed electrical guitars from famous rock stars.
“February 28, 2011
Everything is prepard; Mattias has been making new wooden panels of my favorite dimensions for me and I bought a new set of brushes, paint and other art supply, I also bought books to use for new paper collages, I’ve found a new and wonderful printer if I’ll get the urge to make digital collages – and time, I have so much time! Everything is here, waiting for me to create the shit out of it. However. There is a resistance. There anxiety, worries and so much stress.
Why is it so damn difficult? I don’t understand!
I’ve planned several exhibitions at the same time in the nearest future, people are waiting for my art. The expectations are high – not least from myself. And that’s good. My art is appreciated and people want more. But I do feel a lot of pressure. Both external and internal.
I even sold “Twisted Sisters”, the painting I destroyed last week. People seem to think that my journey between the styles is exciting and they appreciate the change. My metamorphosis.”
Wide Open
“With time I became your grim reaper.
Days passed, like toxic waste, but I always wanted more.
When I opened my eyes it was all gone.
I still feel your thunder and the white sap leaking from your heart.
Heartbeats shining like spring.
Killing every broken second.
The sun finally faded like an abandoned memory.
Haunting me with its dark light.
Dry shadows, caught in the silver linings.
Begging me to spread open.
Until I started a fire inside your closed coffin.
Burning with the speed of the sweetest panic.
An unforgettable cloud of steel.
Growing wilder while drifting into the distance.
I am still wide open, like an inviting left over.
Dressed in a scream.”
MM – 15
Billie Holiday – I can’t get started
Taylor Swift – Blank Space
The silence after you disappeared was louder than any noise I have ever heard
I am tired of losing money on my art [an artist’s battle with the art world]
Last week, I was invited to be included in a really cool group show in Japan. But. They wanted me to pay an admission, to give them money to be part of the art show. This really bothered me, not because the admission was high, but because I’m tired of having to pay for other people to show my art. I have already spent my money on making the artworks they want to exhibit; I bought the canvases, the paint, the paint brushes, whatever I needed to get that inner expression out of me onto a canvas. I went to the framer’s shop and had it framed. Oh, and don’t forget about the time, the effort and the divine talent I put into my work. I work hard and I spend a long time working on a piece. Then, if I am invited to a gallery to show my work I have to buy some bubble wrap, cardboard and packing tape (a lot of packing tape) to secure and protect the artworks in the shipping process.
From my experience there are three different alternatives when it comes to shipping your artworks to an art show; 1.) If the gallery is very professional and serious about their business, they will pay for the shipping, both ways (if the piece doesn’t sell in the show). 2.) If the gallery is semi professional you have to pay for the shipping to there and they pay for the return if the artwork is not sold. 3.) If the gallery is not very professional and perhaps run by other artists without much money, you have to pay for shipping both ways. This is very expensive – because it means you payed for the art supply to make the artwork, you put all the work and effort into it, you got it framed, bought the bubble wrap, cardboard and the tape, payed for the shipping fee and if it didn’t sell you are forced to pay for another shipping. That’s a lot of money being lost in the process. And yes, it’s ‘good publicity’ to show your work, but you can’t use that as an excuse for losing money on your art for more than some years in the beginning of your career, in the end – it just becomes bad business. Really bad.

[and it can get worse: destroyed artworks in the shipping process because of ‘force majeure’ (also known as ‘bad luck’, I am haunted by bad luck]
And then you have the galleries that wants you to pay an admission, or pay for the promotional work – the printing of posters, flyers etc.
And you don’t really want your art to be too expensive, because then nobody can afford to buy it, unless you work with fancy galleries where they have customers who can afford a little Jeff Koons to put on the terrace or to collect diamond skulls as a favorite hobby. But I feel a little too underground for those places. I like a real audience, where the eyes and hearts falls in love with my art, not the wallets or business senses.But let’s say you do sell a piece in the art show – then the gallery will take up to 50% of the sales. (In the end you payed for the art supply, you put all the work and effort into it, you got it framed, bought the bubble wrap, cardboard and the tape, you payed the shipping fee and then the gallery took 50% of your sales. Perhaps you even had to pay for the snacks for the opening night.)
I’m not good at math but it’s not hard to see that something is wrong in this equation. And I understand, the gallery owners have their own problems and want to get some money out of it too. But I’m thinking… I wouldn’t start my own gallery if I couldn’t afford to run it – and the galleries couldn’t exist without the artists. We should be very much respected for the work we are doing, and not pay for gallery expenses, we already had our own expenses to pay.
They say that every artist has to suffer and be broke – even starving (!) to be a true artist – and the danger in keeping that cliché alive is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where the artist is “OK” with it, because it’s expected of them to always be broke and live without any money. Can you imagine an art director starving and working for free because he’s doing something he or she loves, or a veterinarian suffering and paying money to taking care of animals in need, because that’s his or hers passion in life? Why should artists suffer and starve just because they have a passion in life?
I am tired of losing money on my art and to be expected to work for free because it’s “good publicity”. And how insulting it is when someone says “Think about Van Gogh, he didn’t make ANY money on his art while he was alive!” like it’s something good and positive to not make money on one’s art, because it implies that you will be considered to be a genius when you are dead and buried. I don’t want to lose an ear or to die all poor and hungry (or to get scurvy because I can’t afford to keep a healthy diet).
I will end this little complaint with two absurd offers I once got when it comes to my art. The first offer was an invitation to have my art in an art magazine that wanted me to pay $500 for it: “The normal rate was $500 but I’m offering the space for $350 because its last minute.” I was ‘touched’ by his generosity but declined the offer. The second offer was from an online gallery – an “art happening”. It sounded cool but a bit confusing. An “Art happening”? I asked them what their idea was and I got a colorful email full of images that would explain their concept:
I couldn’t believe it – the people (art lovers) of this initiative wanted me to DESTROY my artwork if it didn’t sell during the one week I was presented on their website! How arrogant! I understand that it’s easier for a street artist to destroy or cover up their art to keep it exclusive and alluring, but for most artists it’s an insult to be asked to destroy your work. You just don’t do it unless you hate it and don’t want anyone to see it. But you don’t destroy your art just because it didn’t sell at an online auction. I remember I was quite upset about this for weeks after I was invited. I just couldn’t understand how someone could ask an artist to destroy their art because it was ‘cool and exclusive’ to do so after a big hype about the artwork. I think I’m still a little upset about it and it reminds me of how serious I am about my art and how much it means to me.
It’s time that I start making money on my art. I just have to figure out how, without selling my soul to the devil or become an industry, because that’s not what my art is about. The exclusivity about my art, is that all the artworks have their own lives, their own history and their own stories to tell. That’s why I am an artist, to express myself, not to make big business. But it wouldn’t hurt to be able to do what I love and get paid for it, and not lose money on what I love the most in life.
Sometimes, it’s all about timing, not destiny or fate
MIN DEBUT SOM FILMSKRIBENT PÅ MOVIEZINE
I somras gjorde jag debut som filmskribent på MovieZine. Min artikel handlar om den lilla sommarkuken i Svenska nostalgifilmer, ni kan läsa den här.
[Here’s my debut as a movie review writer at the Swedish online movie magazine MovieZine, it’s an article that I wrote last summer about the “little summer cock in Swedish nostalgia movies”. You can read it, roughly translated from Swedish to English through Google Translate, here.]
The waiting room
I don’t know where I am right now. I can no longer see my past, it has faded like darkness passed dawn. Maybe this is a waiting room. A room without any walls and the view from the windows are of the unknown. Unfamiliar landscapes, skies of unheard shades of grey, trees whispering unspoken words. I sit here, patiently and try to speak – but I have no voice, or perhaps I have lost my language, I am not quite sure. There are flowers growing out of my hands, reaching for another sun. I quietly eat them while I am waiting.
The stories behind my art: “Screamer”
I made “Screamer” in 2013,. It’s a digital artwork made in PhotoShop and it’s an assemblage of collected and scanned images, put together in hundreds of layers – just like the traditional techniques for oil paint, but with thin layers of images instead of paint.
I began with a simple composition, I used a texture scan as foundation for my composition, I thought it looked like a landscape and had movement and drama.
I used the surreal baby head in the wagon from an older work – “Witness” [2007], that I never really liked, so I gave it new life with the “Screamer” piece.
“Screamer” is about existential anxiety, loneliness, vulnerability and fear. I made it during a time in my life where I felt very lost and alone, scared of not knowing where I was going. I felt helpless and like I was just drifting in a dark forest, without any real destination.
It is also based on one of my earliest childhood memories. I wasn’t older than 3 when my mom took me to the woods. She found some lily of the valleys and wanted to make a bouquet, and for a short moment she wasn’t watching me, and I stepped right into anthill – and screamed as loud as I could to get my mom’s attention. I felt scared and panicked and from that day forward I’ve been dealing with a very difficult Entomophobia [insect phobia].
The printing process, “Screamer” is born. It is printed in an edition of 5 original prints – only 3 is still available.
A child’s version of “Screamer”, it’s so cute!
Where we meet
Why Creatives Don’t Succeed In Traditional, 9-To-5 Work Environments
I love this article!
What I felt after we hung up
“Tommib Help Buss” by Squarepusher






























