Some parents DID raise us to accept abuse from men

I love Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. However, some parents DID raise us to accept abuse from men.
Some parents raised us to always put a man’s need first. To always find excuses for men’s abuse. Some parents raised us not to see men’s abuse, to deny it, to deflect away attention from it, to blame ourselves for provoking and triggering the abuse. Some parents raised us to be scared of standing up for ourselves when we are abused by men. Some parents raised us never to tell about men’s abuse. Some parents raised us to look like the perpetrator while the abusing man looks like the victim, when we speak up about the abuse. Some parents raised us to feel responsible for men’s abuse.
To sum it up: some of us were raised by parents to accept abuse from men and to blame ourselves for it.
This is a real problem in our society – and just as wrong as when men are abusing women who were NOT raised by parents to accept abuse from men.
Image credit: @bananalovemuffin

Happy Women’s Day!

What a week! As you all could see here on the site, the week started out with my big artist comeback and ended with the International Women’s Day! So much GIRL POWER! I made this video for all my sisters out there – but the message is for everyone!

We are women, ladies & girls.
We are not objects.
We are not trophies.
We are not here to please you.
We exist on our own terms.
We own our bodies.
We own our stories.
Happy Women’s Day!

Building an invisible house

self_empowerment

I made this image to illustrate my process of self-empowerment

I’m taking big steps in my self therapy – which I will refer to as ‘self-empowerment’ from now on. I am on a different journey now than during the years I lived with the PTSD where the cruel symptoms ruled my every day life.

During my abusive marriage, 2003

I might not be the smartest person in the world, I might not know much about anything really – but I am an expert when it comes to the process of losing the connection to oneself – and finding a way back. It’s been taking me about 15 years to accomplish that.

My old journey was to overcome PTSD and my new journey is all about reclaiming life and the power I lost to other people by accepting (and encouraging) a submissive position.

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2009

It all comes down to vulnerability. For a long period of time, I was trapped in various situations where it was forced on me from many directions. Vulnerability became the texture of my identity – and so also the visual expression of myself. I couldn’t see it. I was busy reliving trauma every day because of the PTSD (that I didn’t knew I suffered from at the time). But the vulnerability was the only thing I could offer men in relationships, I confused it for warmth and love – and so I attracted the narcissists, the aggressive ones, the assholes, the ‘strong silent’ men without any empathy – and the broken souls in denial with a tough exterior to overcompensate for their own vulnerability issues.

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2010

I payed the price for their repressed pain or for their lack of emotions – and I let them. I gave them my vulnerability as a currency so they could buy my loyalty, love and sexuality with it, over and over, without losing any of their own currency. I cared so much, they didn’t care at all. I risked my life for them, they neglected me and took no risks at all. I thought that love would either ‘make me or break me’ – they thought of me as a submissive addition to their lives which had no real influence on their hearts. Indifference is a perfect armor, it allows no emotional risks at all. I can’t relate to it  – it’s a blind spot for me. I was an easy target for their selfish conquests when it came to what my vulnerability was worth – and  how it was perceived. They were addicted to it – and it made me look weak so they could look stronger, better and smarter.

Therefore, the first step to self-empowerment is self-forgiveness. I have forgiven myself for being so careless with my vulnerability and for letting men do whatever they want with it.

And with self-acceptance – where I am accepting both my weaknesses – and seeing my vulnerability as something precious that I have to protect and maintain (which, ironically, makes it shrink) and my strengths and resources (where vulnerability is a great one if handled with care) – I have a good foundation for what I need to achieve success, happiness and self-fulfillment.

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2015

It’s not a random coincidence that my recent artworks all have houses in them – and that I registered my new website as “The House of Mia Makila”. I am slowly building an invisible house around myself – a protection of inner strength and an uncompromising integrity – an empowerment of everything I am – to myself and to the world.

Iceland (digital)

Iceland (digital)