En tunn verklighet

EN TUNN VERKLIGHET.
 
“Min uppfattning av verkligheten känns plötsligt urvattnad. Blek, mjölkig. Tunn. Den har skavts allt för många gånger mot din mur. Vågar jag lita på att min verklighet ens finns, här inuti mig, utanför mig själv? Verklighetens hinna är nu mycket skör. Liksom jag. Om jag försöker närma mig texturen, går det genast hål och jag sugs in dem. Hålen biter mitt inre och skapar fler och fler hål, tuggar i sig som en hungrig hålslagare. Hålen i verkligheten är stumma och kvävande i sin kompakta densitet. Det går inte att andas, inte ens med tanken.
 
Nu händer det alltså. Din mur, verkligheten som vänder ut och in på sig själv och äter mig inifrån, hål efter hål.
 
Din outgrundliga mjukhet är avgrunden. Kniven. Jag letar efter dina skarpa kanter i blindo. Det lena skrämmer. Det är en färg som som inte finns i min regnbåge. En färg som min verklighet avvisar. Min verklighet flackar, tunnas ut ännu mer. Jag domnar bort ur mig själv. Det läcker mjuka havsanemoner ur din mur. De dör så fort de når min hud. Jag och regnbågen stöter bort allt mjukt. Jag jagar dina kanter. Jakten gör mig snurrig. Nya hål i verkligheten. Havsanemoner. En himmel utan färg. Det går inte att andas, inte ens med tanken.
 
Du talar inte min verklighet. Jag talar inte din. Fastän det är genom dig jag fått hjärtslagen. Drömmen. Skriken. Tänder som lossnat. Paniken.
 
Jag önskar att du kunde klä dig i min tunna verklighet och smälta in i den. Känslan av övergivenhet kanske skulle tona ut då. Så att det går att andas, även i tanken.”
 
– Mia Makila, 2019.

ART MONSTERS-Podden: Nytt avsnitt!

“Mia Makila och Maria Wingård är tillbaka i den lilla podd-garderoben med ett nytt avsnitt, fullspäckat med både eld och glöd! Avsnitt 17 är ett riktigt reningsbad – en perfekt nystart för både ART MOSTERS-Podden och hela konströrelsen för svensk lowbrow och mörk konst. Dessutom får vi ta del av små ljudklipp som ger ART MONSTERS-Podden sin unika collage-stil.”

Lyssna även via Spotify, iTunes och Podbean etc

21 days

December 1st, early morning. I can’t believe Johnny will be here in 21 days. I am a workday away from accessing my own world of art and creativity. I have to finish up the digital piece I’m currently working on and start something new and fresh. A new painting perhaps.

Yesterday, I got a notification on Facebook from writer and scholar Line Henriksen that the new special issue of Women, Gender & Research by herself and Morten Bülowa and Erika Kvistad, had been published – with my art ( “Iceland” ) on the back cover! This is yet another reminder that my art belongs out there in the world. I have to wrap up the work on my new collection – and hand it over to the audience. ♥

All the different me’s

All of my different sides are visible in my art.

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I haven’t felt like myself for a while. I’m a little torn between different versions of myself. The office-me, the artist-me, the Swedish-speaking-me and the English-speaking me, the strong me, the scared me etc. It can be a confusing at times. I’ve always had many sides to my personality and also many layers within each side which makes me a bit complicated to say the least. This is also visible in my art. I don’t have one single signature style, but various forms of expressions. I can be raw, I can be cute, I can be dark, I can be colorful. And I can be all those things at once. Even though I win many different followers and collectors by using different techniques and styles, I sort of envy artist with a clear signature style – because they are so dedicated to it. I am too restless, too curious about the next level of expression. I am always moving forward and I can’t go back to a successful style or expression even if I’d want to. When I move on, I never look back. Going back to an old style wouldn’t feel genuine and it would look forced. So, I guess that is my style – to always reinvent myself and my visual expression. On a deeper level, I believe I’ve used my art to rediscover and reclaim all the sides to myself that used to be censored or oppressed by other people.

Black on black

Dead Lolitas by Mia Makila

“Dead Lolitas” by Mia Makila, 2017 [digital[

I had some kind of breakthrough in my thoughts about my future painting last night. It was wonderful. The Dead Lolita theme has felt old for some time now. I don’t connect with the role of Lolita anymore, I’ve come too far on my journey of self-empowerment. It has been four years since I first got the idea of killing my inner Lolita – and I think I killed her on the way without even noticing. All the artworks for the Lolita show will be included in other collections.

The new theme for a future collection of paintings is “black on black” – whatever that might be. I have worked a lot with demon portraits against a black background and I would say it is my signature style. I love playing around with different nuances of black, adding more life to the dark and, often flat, color. I will also go back to making mixed media pieces instead of just acrylic on canvas – I have some new ideas I want to explore when it comes to my technique. This is exciting! I have already prepared some canvases. All covered with black paint, of course.

Nightcap demon

One of the biggest sources of inspiration for my art has been Ingmar Bergman, especially his 1972 film Cries and Whispers – especially with the “nightcap demon”.

My natural state

I am finally back to making art again. It’s been 5 months since I finished the last piece in PhotoShop (The Blue Connection). Being creative is my natural state, so I am starting to feel like myself again. I can see that my style has changed a bit since the last 2 pieces. It has shifted from a darker expression to a more delicate and dreamy style. My collage technique has always been driven by a freudian selection of images – but I work on a much deeper level now. My new collection of works will be my most personal one yet. Like visual diary notes. Who needs therapy when you have a talent to dig into yourself and bring it out as an emotional confession through a clear visual expression?