[photos found on tumblr]

Not only did I recently move in to a new apartment after being sort of “homeless” for a year, but I am also creating another kind of home with the man I love [who lives on the other side of the world, in America]. This year is all about finding my way home. No wonder my new art is full of drifting houses.

Today I’m celebrating the Swedish midsummer with my parents in the rain! Cheers!

About Swedish midsummer:

Mmmmmmm. My mom’s yummy chocolate muffins with whipped cream and raspberrries…

It’s been almost 20 difficult years – it shows in my eyes, but I’ve never been as happy as I am right now, that’s the spark you see in my eyes!

It’s the second week of freedom. I’m focusing my time on breathing. In. And out. Collecting  new energy for the next chapter. And all the adventures, the possibilities and the new achievements that awaits. The door to my past is closed, the waiting for my new life to start, is over, my inside is scrubbed and cleaned after all the therapy treatments. I don’t have anything that’s standing in the way of my happiness or success. It’s now or never. I have to reconnect with my art and to restore my career so I can be an active artist again. I want to be successful and to grow as an artist and I want to have fun doing it!

I realize how much time and energy I used to spend on the wrong things. Things that made me feel sad and low; conflicts, self-sabotage, destructive relationships and self-doubt. To forgive myself was the key to break the destructive pattern – to accept that I do deserve love and happiness and that the bad drama made my life miserable. So now, when I have all this new space, where I used to be sad and low, I am now enjoying the present and all the good things I have in my life. I am in love with my new life – and the space in between, where my freedom and happiness rule.

[photo from tumblr]

I’ve felt so tired – exhausted even, after the move. I’ve been planning this for years, even some year before the break up last summer. It’s been a long journey from feeling helpless to being closer to my own independence. But now I’m here and for the first time in my whole life I have a place that is just mine. My place to rest and find peace of mind – something I’ve never experienced before in my life.

So I have been resting and trying to recharge before I start my new life here. The most important thing right now is for me to reconnect with my art. Last night I opened up my buckets of paint for the first time in almost three years. I have missed the smell of acrylic paint – and a fresh canvas. I also prepared a wooden panel so I can paint whenever I want to. I feel very excited – and a little nervous too, it’s been such a long time since I’ve been painting.

I need to recharge so I can push through all my insecurities and fears and get lost in my creativity. That’s my version of Heaven.

I will be back as soon as I’m all done with moving in to my new apartment. I’m so excited to get a new studio and I can’t wait to start working again!

As most of you all know, I am going through a period of many changes in my life. When I think about it, I am sort of changing everything about my life and myself right now. It’s a lot of work. Building a new life takes a lot of time and effort. I am moving into my new apartment next week, and as soon as I’ll have my Internet connection up and running, I will be more present on this blog. I have so many things I want to tell you. And there’s so many things I want to explore in my art.

To be continued…

Each day is one step closer to when my new life can start. 19 days to go.

I would never want to be without this journey from darkness to light, that makes the darkness into something important – it forced me to get to know myself to the core and to learn about what I want and need in life. I’m feeling so grateful.