… what used to look like this…:
…now looks like this:…
…it has come a long way since the first draft:…
… I love the spontaneity of PhotoShop (and my crazy mind)…
Tag: digital art
Winds of change and understanding
It’s been a windy week. I love the wind. It’s fresh and always moving in a clear direction. I like the energy of the determined movement. I’m spending the weekend thinking about my art and writing lists and notes about what digital art/painting really mean to me. I’ve found some surprising answers.
During the years of trauma treatment, I understood how I’ve been separating myself from the girl I use to be in the destructive relationships (the victim, the submissive Lolita, the sacrificing girlfriend etc). It’s like I’m doing the same separation in my art as well; I use my paintings to give the trauma a voice, and my digital art is more an expression of who I really am – a reflection of my dreams, fears and desires. My paintings is a collection of portraits of my demons, rage and pain. I make it all visible to be able to let it go.
This realization makes me look at my art and my creativity in a new way. I can see how I can use the two artistic expressions to tell a complete story – the story about myself. I use to believe that my paintings were my main artistic expression, but now I see that I can express more through my digital art but the raw core expressions comes out through my paintings. I guess I’ve been kind of conservative in the way I’ve been judging “physical” works as an art form with a higher value than digital works. What kind of a pioneer am I if I think like that? I have to be a warrior and to stand up for the digital art to make it as accepted as painting in the art world. When my friend and digital artist Joe Myers was still alive – we were planning to revolutionize the art world with a “digi wave”. I guess I owe it to him to go on fighting for the integrity and acceptance of the digital art.
These wild winds have brought me clarity. I feel like I can breathe again, without inhaling the haunting self doubt.
A change of heart
Selfie, 2011
Everything feels a bit off and weird right now. I can sense a change coming. Another one. I can feel it. This time, the change is coming to me, I’m not forcing any processes to happen – it’s not coming from me. It makes me feel a bit lost. At times, I forget that I’m on this inner journey – I find a new level of my own consciousness and I feel awakened, like that’s the new reality for me to live in. But then, another breakthrough happens. I get these powerful realizations. Insights. The misfit pieces, suddenly have found the right places in me. Things that used to make me confused, suddenly makes more sense. I connect the dots. I see the bigger picture. Or I spot the lost and forgotten details, which are so crucial when it comes to understanding the bigger picture. This happened to me this week. Twice.
And here I am, not knowing what to do with what I found in myself this week. It is both liberating and also fucking scary, because this realization kind of forces me to change course in my art. I was NOT expecting that. I’ve been going with this ‘finding my way back to my art and the wonderful juices of creativity’ mantra for a couple of years now – and I thought I was in a steady place. In a place where neither doubt or a change of heart, could ever touch me. Boy, was I wrong.
The meeting with Mats Tusenfot and talking about the purpose of creativity inspired many new thoughts about my own art. I heard myself tell him (with no insecurity at all): “My digital art is my most true artistic expression, painting has too many limitations, digital art is where I can say what I want to say.” What the hell was I saying – why did I say it? Did I really mean it? Ever since I was 15 years old I’ve been painting and it’s been such a big part of my identity. That was how I started out as a young artist, I was a painter, and that is the core of my creativity and my artistic voice – isn’t it? My artistic voice is made out of colors in tubes, the smell of canvas, charcoal dust – it is not speaking in a binary language translated into hi res images and textures of clouds, waves and grungy walls in a folder on my computer, right? This is very confusing to me. Is my love for painting not the same thing as what I should be doing as an artist? Is my love for digital art forbidden and cheap?
“Scrollan” by Mia Makila, 2009, acrylic on canvas
“Phantom” by Mia Makila, 2011, digital
I need to figure these things out. And even if I feel a little lost and even if change can be a scary thing – I am not scared. The only thing I am certain of is that this is a time for a change that will lead to something lasting and steady. When it’s over, I will not have to struggle with self-doubt anymore and I won’t feel like I don’t know what my true artistic expression is. It is time to figure it out, once and for all. When I think about it – I’m not at all lost right now – I think all these uncomfortable questions is a result of me taking control of every area of my life, including these sensitive matters. Because now, I am ready to explore who I really am as an artist. I know who I’ve been, I know who I became when I lost my way, I know what I am made of and what I’m capable of – but I still need to find out what my art really is about, so I can become everything I was born to be – and do what I was born to do. To be able to fulfill my life’s purpose. What a great journey I’m on. I am on my way.
I am on MY way.
Selfie in my studio, 2009
Spending the day with my artist friend Mats Tusenfot
Digital art by Mats Tusenfot
I’ve spent an amazing afternoon with my artist friend Mats Tusenfot (Mats Centipede) today. We are talking about making an art show together, somewhere, someday. It just feels like the most natural thing since our art is a little related, not only because of the digital media. I feel so inspired and full of energy! I don’t know many Swedish artists and I certainly don’t know many digital artists, so for me it’s important and wonderful to meet other digital artists who are familiar with my world and all the little details inside it (like hi res images of cocks, fruit, nipples, dead animals etc). Mats is a very inspiring artist with a lot of integrity and a clear layer of philosophy wrapped around his artistry (like the rings of Saturn) – something that really challenges my own way of looking at creativity and its purpose. I love that. It’s beautiful. And refreshing.
With my friend and digital artist Mats Tusenfot.
Photos from today
Work in progress
The beginning of something really weird and wonderful.
“THE BONES OF RAPE” BY MIA MAKILA
“THE BONES OF RAPE” BY MIA MAKILA, 2016 [digital]
Detail studies:
The anatomy of a broken sexuality. Rape is a complete murder when it comes to the victim’s spirit and sexuality, but yet it’s treated by our laws as if it’s a minor crime. Rape is not only a violent attack, rape can be many things – even having sex with your partner when you don’t feel like it but that is ignored or when a ‘no’ is not enough for someone to leave your body alone. This piece was difficult to make, but it felt important.
Upcoming collaboration with Candice Angelini
Yesterday it was decided that I’ll be working with the French artist/sculptor/designer Candice Angelini in an upcoming art collaboration – and I totally am over the moon about this! Our inner worlds seem to be related with the elements of innocence and horror expressed through our art. I will use some of her masks and sculptures and create a whole world for them through my digital art. I am sure we will make an art show too, however I’m still too broke to invest money in art projects – but working with my art and being creative is all I need now anyway, the rest will follow. I will keep you updated about the collaboration, can’t wait to get started!
The need to feel dirty and messy
Me and blueberry soup, 1980
As an artist, I have this curious need to be dirty and messy – covered in paint, charcoal, glue or whatnot. I have the desire to be all sweaty, from taming something – perhaps a canvas or a block of clay. I want to dig my hands into something I can mold and discover a hidden form within something raw and forgotten.
I think I’ve always had this need. Perhaps it’s just part of an artist’s genetics or maybe it’s because I had so many allergies and a serious case of eczema as a child and my body had to be almost sterile clean so I wouldn’t get infections. I don’t know why I have this need to feel messy but it makes me feel ambitious, like I’m part of my dream, working hard, using my resources, like I’m creating something that is part of me and that I’m part of – with everything I am. Like a testament to my life’s true purpose. To create magic with my own two hands.
Working with my digital art is an amazing experience – the creative process is more spontaneous and playful, but there is no messiness. It’s a very sterile process. So I need to paint, I need it.
Double versions
It happens that I sometimes revisit my older digital works and continue working on them so they become something new with a totally different expression. Click images to enlarge.
Another Place, digital – first version 2007, second version 2012
Bianca, first version 2009, second version 2012 (and yes, that’s Domenique)
Vanitas, both versions from 2013
Ship of Fools, first version from 2008, second version from 2012
House roots
“Strings Attached”, 2015
“Iceland” 2015
“A BINARY DREAM” BY MIA MAKILA – 2016 (DIGITAL MIXED MEDIA) Edition of 10, 42 x 48 cm, PRICE: 5200 SEK
Something wonderful is happening. For the first time in my life, I’m growing roots and they are deeply connected to the ground. I’m not floating around in space like a balloon without a string anymore. I’ve found my place in the world just by being true to who I am and in the love I feel for Johnny. Geography doesn’t matter. Nor does circumstances. When you find your home, in yourself and in another person’s heart, external things are not that important. I am still broke but I feel very rich. To be poor is a state of mind (in this part of the world), feeling fortunate as well.
I’ve known Johnny for almost four years and our love story has been complicated and rich in details and colors. So much has been standing in our way – other lovers, bad timing, health issues, distance and money. But we are still here, we are still in this connection together. What started out as a few strings attached grew into a complex and beautiful root system. The progress of our love story is visible in my digital art. Look closer at the three pieces above. See how the floating house with just a few strings attached to a star slowly develops delicate roots which are a little more connected in each piece. Not yet touching but slowly making contact while creating sparks of light and warmth.
Some years earlier the houses in my art were adrift, hard to reach or full of smoke and flames – just like my relationships at the time were either explosive or disconnected.
“Out of the Nothing Box” by Mia Makila, 2014
All the Bears In My Garden
Can Not Reach Mommy
But there’s more happening than the creation of my new roots. My house is growing taller, like a tree – and I’m stretching out, reaching out, unfolding, pushing myself outwards like I have long and curious branches wanting to touch the world outside myself. Wanting to be part of it and making it part of my very own existence.
Johnny is setting me free into the world. There’s no possessiveness, no chains. I’m still struggling with fears, trust issues and insecurities at times, because of my traumas, but every day I learn something new from him about generosity and kindness. He’s making grow and blossom by letting me be me – all the way. I’m very grateful. I hope I am doing the same for him.
There is so much out there for me to reach for.
I will try to explore this new sensation of being rooted but so free to reach for the sky, in a new digital piece. A tree house perhaps. Or why not a house tree, somewhere between the depth of reality and the dreams within.
Primitive surrealism
I’ve made a fun journey through different styles in my art. I started out as a surrealist. I was 16 years old when I finished my first real painting – a surreal self portrait. Then, I moved on to explore expressionism, cubism, more surrealism and then some kind of a primitive realism.
Works from the time before I found my true artistic voice [1995-2005]:
It wasn’t until I suffered a deep depression in 2006 that I started using my creativity and my art as therapeutic expressions. I also joined the European Lowbrow movement – that later turned into Popsurrealism. It was in the “big eyes-large-head” mannerism of Popsurrealism that I eventually would lose myself and my artistic voice – and then get blocked and mentally paralyzed for almost 7 years. The cutesy stuff was bad for me, it’s just not who I am. I’m raw and direct both as a person and as an artist. I don’t sugarcoat things. I use a lot of humor in my art but it’s never cute.
My boyfriend, who’s really clever and very perceptive when it comes to me and my art, came up with a good description for the paintings I’ve done post hiatus: “primitive surrealism”. I like it. I’ve always felt at home in primitive art and in surrealism so I guess both genres have helped me develop my own style and visual expression. From now on, I’ll call myself a primitive surrealist. It’s perfect.
Painting styles post depression [2006-2016]:
It’s interesting to see how many similarities but also how many differences there are between my physical artworks (paintings, drawings, collages) and my digital art. I have gone from chaotic compositions in both my physical and my digital art to simplicity and stillness, but in my paintings I’m so much more raw and colorful, whereas in my digital art I’m more cinematic and poetic – perhaps because I’m also writing poetry on my computer, perhaps there’s a connection there.
My digital art [2007-2016]:
The stories behind my art: “My Secret Lover”
Untitled work, 2008
It happens that I never finish my digital pieces. I don’t know why, perhaps they’re lacking a good composition, or the storytelling doesn’t work. But sometimes I steal one or two details from the unfinished works and put them in a different context and then everything just works. They come alive. This is what happened with ‘My Secret Lover’ [2012]. It was originally part of this chaotic composition [above]. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking while I was making it, but it just didn’t work out. It’s too busy, too cluttered and the story doesn’t make sense at all. A giant Pinocchio wedding cake with bugs, Batman, toy soldiers, cocks in the sky, eyeballs and some strippers? What was I thinking?
So I stole the stripper with purple hair riding the tin chicken [placed in middle/right area of the piece] and put her in a much more serene space. And it worked.
“My Secret Lover” by Mia Makila, 2012
Here it is, framed, hanging on a buyer’s wall:
“My Secret Lover”
Unveiling of Mia Makila artwork at Galleri Kameleont – “KONSTRIDÅ”
Today’s unveiling of my artwork “The Taste of Time and Paranoia” at Galleri Kameleont. I was honored to be part of the gallery’s “KONSTRIDÅ” (art curtain) project where one artist is invited to show one artwork at the gallery for only one day, and it’s not reveled who the artist is or what artwork is hiding underneath the curtain until the actual unveiling of the piece. I had so much fun!
The Taste of Time and Paranoia (digital) by Mia Makila, 2014
“Painiverse” – My space suite [2013]
Selfie from 2013 – in the process of making the tough decision to let my life fall apart in order to unchain myself from my past
Before I made the decision to break free from the chains of my past and to leave my whole life behind to be able to start over in a new place – I was dealing with the heavy weight of this decision in a suite of digital images of Space, void, loneliness, distance and isolation – but also with a slow movement through the darkness – orbiting a core – the gravity of freedom.
“LOVERS LOST IN SPACE” by Mia Makila – digital
“SUCTION” by Mia Makila – digital
“ATTRACTION” by Mia Makila – digital
From my diary 2015:
The view from the top floor is nothing but a white sky. It’s too cloudy for me to be able to see beyond the whiteness. But there is a black stain somewhere in the white. I look closer. Now I can see that it is the smallest Universe. Space. Darker than anything I have ever seen. I realize that this little micro Universe is my pain. An old pain, it doesn’t exist anymore – and now it’s a memory in the shape of fear.
.
I suddenly understand that inside this dark Universe is everything I have ever known about myself. About life. About love. Pleasure. Happiness. It is so tiny – but when I am floating around in it – it feels infinite. Once I am inside it, it is a closed world, it becomes my everything and I become the only detail inside it. I can’t see that the world outside is infinite, and that I’m just swallowed up by a ridiculous little stain – insignificant even though it’s packed with pain. Once I am consumed with this world, swallowed up by it and reconciled with the pain, I feel free.
.
It’s just me and the dark void. Nothing else. I let go of any resistance. I let it take me deeper inside. I am so lost – but I feel part of something familiar and absolute. There is nothing but me and the familiarity of the darkness. Nothing can hurt me here. Because I am already floating through the pain or the memory of it.
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It is my ‘Painiverse’.
.
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Photos from a walk in the moonlight, a week after the break up 2014
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The time right after my decision to break free, my life started to fall apart in the most wonderful way, and my digital art changed as well – the planets grew smaller and turned into important details in a new mythology that mirrored my new life. Here are works from 2014:
“The Taste of Time and Paranoia” (digital)
“NOT A PHALLUS” BY MIA MAKILA – 2015 (DIGITAL) Edition of 5, 40 x 44 cm, PRICE: 7500 SEK
Out of the Nothing Box (detail)
Out of the Nothing Box (digital)
I’m staring right into the eyes of death. Or love. Whatever. That’s when I feel your bullets hit me right in the heart. Bullets of fire. I can’t breathe. I don’t want to.
I can feel how everything is destroyed. Or saved. Or whatever. Blackbirds, blood moons, lion breaths, rotten flower beds – like fireworks above it all. Exploding within and inside.And I realize – I don’t know the difference between love and a beautiful murder. – MIA MAKILA, 2014
Recycling artworks
Sometimes I’ve done some recycling in my digital art. Here is a very early digital collage called “Witness” (2007) – that later turned into “Screamer” (2013) – one of my most popular digital pieces.
But I also used the hay wagon in “Engla” from 2008:
And in “Engla” I recycled my “Weird Baby” (2006):
.. Which I also made a statue from the year after.
“Gabrielle”
“Gabrielle” by Mia Makila, 2016 [digital]
reference photos used in “Gabrielle”:
“Thousand Yard Stare” by Mia Makila, 2013 [digital]
“Thousand Yard Stare” by Mia Makila, 2013 [digital]
The thousand-yard stare is a phrase coined to describe the limp, blank, unfocused gaze of a battle-weary soldier, but the symptom it describes may also be found among victims of other types of trauma. A characteristic of shell shock, the despondent stare reflects dissociation from trauma. The thousand-yard stare is thus often seen in cases of incipient post-traumatic stress disorder.
“A Binary Dream”
“A Binary Dream” by Mia Makila, 2016 [digital]
How my love for movies has influenced my art
Instagram photo from 2013
I love film. I love TV-series. Perhaps even more than I love art – or maybe art is such a natural part of me that I can’t measure the passion in a fair way. But I would say that movies is my biggest passion in life. I usually watch at least 2 movies every day and binge watch TV series as well. I never watch regular TV. My favorite movie directors – Bergman, Lynch, Hitchcock, Allen, Gilliam, Von Trier, Burton, Fincher, Nichols, Cukor and Polanski have all inspired my work in some way or another.
MULHOLLAND DRIVE by David Lynch [2001]
“The Crash” by Mia Makila, 2012 [digital]
THE PIANO by Jane Campion [1993]
“That Little Girl In ‘The Piano’ Movie Just Wet Herself In Between Takes In 1993” by Mia Makila, 2008 [acrylics on cardboard]
Narnia [2005]
“Lucy Pevensie” by Mia Makila, 2012 [digital] inspired by the main character from the 2005 fantasy movie “Narnia”
WILD AT HEART by David Lynch [1990]
“Wild at Heart” by Mia Makila, 2012 [digital]
FANNY AND ALEXANDER by Ingmar Bergman [1982]
“Fanny And Alexander” by Mia Makila, mixed media on paper, 2012
The original poster for Ingmar Bergman’s last feature film “Fanny And Alexander”,1982 (I own one of these and keep it in my bedroom)
THE BIRDS by Alfred Hitchcock [1963]
!["Bird Lady" by Mia Makila, 2008 [digital]](https://i0.wp.com/miamakila.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/bird_lady1.jpg?w=243&h=358&ssl=1 "bird_lady")
“Bird Lady” by Mia Makila, 2008 [digital]
!["Under Attack" by Mia Makila, 2007 [digital]](https://i0.wp.com/miamakila.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/underattack2014.jpg?w=369&h=358&ssl=1 "underattack2014")
“Under Attack” by Mia Makila, 2007 [digital]
Old black and white movies
“Out of the Nothing Box” by Mia Makila, 2014
“NOT A PHALLUS” BY MIA MAKILA – 2015 (DIGITAL) Edition of 5, 40 x 44 cm, PRICE: 7500 SEK
“Envy” by Mia Makila, 2013 [digital)
!["The Strange Girl" by Mia Makila, 2007 [digital]](https://i0.wp.com/miamakila.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/thestrangegirldark.jpg?w=333&h=279&ssl=1 "thestrangegirldark")
“The Strange Girl” by Mia Makila, 2007 [digital]
!["The Gathering" by Mia Makila, 2007 [digital]](https://i0.wp.com/miamakila.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/the_gathering.jpg?w=279&h=279&crop=1&ssl=1 "the_gathering")
“The Gathering” by Mia Makila, 2007 [digital]
And my favorite movies of all time? Well, it has to be “12 Monkeys” by Terry Gilliam, “Fanny and Alexander” by Ingmar Bergman,”The Game” by David Fincher, “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf?” by Mike Nichols and “Melancholia” by Lars Von Trier.
“The Perfect Rock”
NEW DIGITAL WORK! “The Perfect Rock” by Mia Makila, 2016
What three years of practice in PhotoShop looks like
Friday 1 pm
Making research about success in my kitchen
Original Fanny & Alexander poster
My digital workspace – and my beautiful soulmate on the desktop
My bedroom and lots of light, at 1 pm
Experimenting
Work in progress.. I’m just experimenting with how I can paint with hi res images of flowers instead of paint. I’m also studying Dutch still lifes from the 17th century.
NEW DIGITAL PIECE! “The Screaming rug”
The Screaming Rug by Mia Makila, 2016 – digital, click to enlarge.
My digital baby “Maria” from 2012 was born this week at the printer’s office
MIA MAKILA 