https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qdYXtB_0KQ
“3 artworks of Mia Makila were stolen on the last day of her solo show at Galleri Hera in Stockholm, January 2008”
Me and the gallery owner:
pictures from the art show:
Work in progress
It’s the first day of my new journey where my creativity is the main focus. I’ve been painting again for the first time in a very long time. All the hard work I’ve put into my self-empowerment has paid off. The anxiety is gone. It was there whenever I stood in front of the easel for over 6 years. Today it felt smooth and easy to paint. I wasn’t scared, I didn’t feel any pressure and my mojo created that sweet flow I’ve been longing for. I started with the face, like I always do. For the first time I gave my Lolita demon green eyes, the same shade as mine. Perhaps my art will be more personal from now on. I feel so much closer to myself now. More connected. I’m sure it will be visible in my future creative projects as well.
I tried to create time blocks so I could practice self-discipline and focus without distractions. One hour at a time, where I’m totally focused on what I’m doing – no multi tasking, no looking at my phone or talking to other people. After an intense hour I take a little break and then go back for another hour of intense painting. I think it will work.
I’m so drained. My eyes hurt. I will rest now and continue painting tomorrow.
I feel really happy.
Some of the artworks I’ve done during my so called “creativity blockage” (I couldn’t make them all fit). This makes me confused – this is what creativity blockages looks like?…
One of the best things about the human mind is that we have the power to change the way we look at things – and the new perspective will present us to a whole new world. We can go from being in a bad place to a good place. We can be sad and then something will make us laugh. We can be wrapped in negativity – but if we untangle ourselves from the gloomy and judgmental mindset, we are able to see things from a more positive viewpoint. This what I’ve been doing lately, and it’s definitely becoming my new hobby.
I got this new easel as a birthday gift when I turned 30. That’s when I just stopped having fun when I was painting, and the creativity process turned into a struggle – and 6 months later, I stopped working all together. I felt blocked, and it would last for almost 7 years.
I have been thinking a lot about my creativity blockage lately. I don’t feel blocked anymore – I am simply waiting for the right time to start working in my studio again. I want to feel ready. I am almost there now. The creativity blockage lasted almost 7 years, but was it really a blockage, perhaps it was something else?
Stockholm, 2011 – one of the most painful years of my life. My creativity had abandoned me – or was it me who had abandoned my creativity and perhaps even myself?
“It is more natural for me to not create now than to be creative. My paint and brushes are stored away in transparent boxes and waiting for this paralysis to disappear so I can use them again.
It’s like all of me is in this invisible, transparent storage box that separates me from my true identity, and from my desire to create. A coffin if you like. For I feel dead in so many ways. It is not an exaggeration or emotional debauchery – but an honest feeling that is rooted deep inside in my core. ”
The making of “My Neighborhood”, 2012 about the three buildings where I lived together with the abuser.
With Johnny, 2015
When I look back the creativity blockage I can see it wasn’t so much an artistic blockage as it was a self-abandonment. Somewhere along the way, I stopped believing in myself. I was punished by haters and started to project their hate onto myself. I shrunk into myself. I started to believe I wasn’t even worthy of my own success. No wonder I just stopped working as an artist.
Photo of me from March 2006, when I began dyeing my hair red
Today marks an important anniversary for me; I have been a fiery redhead for 10 years now! It might sound a bit superficial to you – but there is a story behind the transformation.
I was born a blonde. When I was a little girl, my dad used to tell me that my hair was made of gold and if I would brush it a hundred times – I’d turn into a real life princess. Of course it never happened and I thought my hair looked more like hay, or something less exciting.
When I was only 18 years old, I met my abuser He was a schoolmate and my first real love – and I stayed with him for five years. Those years would change my life forever. I lived in a secret Hell, and I didn’t tell anyone about the abuse, not even the cops that came to our apartment because the neighbors heard me scream for help. I kept it all within myself and it grew, and grew like a black tumor inside. I started to loath myself – I projected his evil onto myself. His dark visions of me turned into my own twisted self-images. I thought was fat, ugly and gross, the same words he used to describe me with.
Before I met him, I was a very strong and expressive young person and I tried to keep the memory of that girl alive in my soul – and when I finally found the courage to end the marriage, I looked for her to find strength. But the trauma had blurred the memories of myself and it was harder than I thought to find the way back to myself. I felt lost.
I didn’t know who I was anymore. I felt like I was this blonde shadow of someone I used to be before I turned into nothing but a victim.
Three years after the divorce, in 2006, I felt like I was in a place where I could start looking for a new me, instead of trying to go back in time and try to rescue myself before the trauma happened. I hated the position of being a victim and I made a promise to myself that I would do anything to overcome my horrible past. Unfortunately, at this point, I was struggling with a new trauma and it became the final straw – so I slipped into a deep depression. Even though this was one of the hardest times of my life, I kept myself alive by working with my art – non-stop. I created art (the first collection horror art) to distract myself from the pain I felt inside – and it’s safe to say that my creativity saved my life. It’s not the first time – and it won’t be the last.
“It’s All In My Head” by Mia Makila, 2006 [mixed media on canvas]
“My Hell” by Mia Makila, 2006 [mixed media on canvas]
I kept pushing through the pain with my will to survive and to thrive through my art. To make something beautiful out of the grotesque and ugly that was happening to me at the time. I felt like I was going through a metamorphosis in my art – it changed so much, both technically and in expression. That’s when I really started to change as a person too. And I decided to become everything I wanted to be – and to not only overcome my traumas, but also to become who I was meant to be in this world. I knew it was a real challenge, but I also knew I could do it. I would recreate a new version of myself, piece by piece and by facing all my demons (that’s why I make so many demon portraits). I would become my own work of art.
I began this metamorphosis by dyeing my hair red – to make a real visible change. Then I put myself in therapy. I wanted to use every expression I could find, every possible way to disassociate myself from who I used to be. “His wife”, “the victim”, “the submissive”. I now looked so different from her. It was liberating.
That is the story behind my red hair. I highly doubt that I’ll ever go back to being blonde again. I love my fiery hair, it illustrates so well what’s in my heart. I am still a work in progress. I’ve failed a million times and I’ve fallen down the dark rabbit hole, over and over again. It has taken me 10 years of hard work to overcome my traumas and I’m still not quite over them yet – but at least I am on my way to achieve something extraordinary. I can feel it.
The fiery red will guide me on my path. It’s so much more than just a color. So much more.
Sometimes people send pictures to me of how they live with my art – here are some:
This is one of my most personal artworks – “MISTY MEMORY”, a digital piece from 2012.
When I am working with my art – or anything creative – I am only interested in finding powerful and strong expressions. I always start with the eyes – if there’s no genuine expression in the eyes or if they lack intensity, I won’t finish that piece and I just move on to another project. As soon as I start to compromise my vision, I end up feeling lost – and when the creativity turns into a struggle I lose the joy of being part of it. Sometimes it feels like starting a new painting on a blank canvas is like taming a beast (the canvas being the beast of ‘nothingness’ or something dead and empty).
I’ve always disliked a blank space – especially an empty white space. My desire is to fill the void, to make an expression, a statement, to tell a story and to create meaning where there seems to be no meaning at all. perhaps that’s why I like to fill the white canvas with a dark background. The darkness can hold all kinds of secrets within that black space – but something all white -without any hope of details inside, really creeps me out.
My art is extremely personal and even though I don’t use my own face in my Lolita demons, they are all part of me and my fears, my rage, my pain and my inner voice. They are all self portraits in a way.
Sperm Wounds is my rage, Scrollan is an expression of the helplessness I’ve felt in my past, Stigmata is about my physical hell.
!["Stigmata"by Mia Makila. 2009 [acrylic on canvas]](https://i0.wp.com/miamakila.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/stigmata.jpg?w=616&h=747&ssl=1 "stigmata")
The stories I share in my art, lays in the emotional expressions of my demons – especially visible in the eyes, smile and body language. The portraits are simple in the compositions, there aren’t many details in the background, if any at all. But if you make eye contact with the characters, you will find endless shades of emotions and details in there.
Detail of Fire Head
Through my stories and artistic expression, you get to share my emotions and the memories of humiliation, sadness and horror – and what it’s like to be a human soul in a world where heaven and hell are both centered inside our minds and hearts – and also outside ourselves.
In every corner of life.
Self portrait, 2011
July – Working on “Sperm Wounds” – the first painting in almost 5 years!
I haven’t really been painting since 2010. It’s been a long break (and a long journey back from the blockages) and I’ve missed it terribly. My work in 2015 is dominated by two concepts – rage and home. There are a lot of floating or flying houses, perhaps because I spent the first half of the year without a home of my own. And my Lolita demons are not scared anymore – they are furious! They are taking back whatever people took from them, especially their sexuality and humiliation. I am slowly healing and it’s reflected in my art as well.
!["Iceland" by Mia Makila. 2015 [digital]](https://i0.wp.com/miamakila.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/iceland_colorful.jpg?w=127&h=174&ssl=1 "iceland_colorful")
The inspiration for my art this year has been coming from a lot of different sources – old votive paintings from Mexico with the addition of words and stories at the bottom, the American folk artist Grandma Moses and my own art, especially from 2008-2009, just before my long hiatus due to the creativity crises.
Sometimes I start some projects but never finish them – perhaps because they lack something or because they feel flat and dull.
I’m so looking forward to the new year – and I can’t wait to be painting, drawing, making digital art, writing and expressing myself in every artistic way possible! Happy new year everyone – 2016 will be an amazing opportunity to be courageous and confident in our work, and empathetic and kind in our hearts. ❤
“The Self-Saboteur” by Mia Makila, 2015, mixed media on wooden panel.
Another Place, 2007 – digital
2007 was one of the best years of my life. I was totally lost in that magical flow of making art, experimenting, exploring and being creative almost all hours of the day. I was having fun and trying out new techniques and styles.
Only 2 years earlier, I was only painting (see photo below) – and now I was making collages, using mixed media, paintings, drawings and also digital pieces.
A painting from 2005 (“Cries and Whispers” – referring to the 1972 film by Ingmar Bergman.)
Another Place was my first real digital artwork and I finished it in late 2007. I had only used PhotoShop to edit the photos and selfies for my blog for a couple of years, but I had no real training, just playing around and trying stuff out. While making Another Place I could feel how I was growing as an artist and that the digital media was just right for me and my artistic expression. I was just having so much fun!
The work in progress.
Another Place premiered in my solo show at Hera Gallery in Stockholm in January 2008:
And then one month later it showed up in my solo show in Reijmyre outside my hometown:
Even though I had so much fun making Another Place, I made it during one of the hardest times in my life and I was deeply depressed. That’s what the piece is about – that other place in life where only darkness rule.
When I finally came out of my depression, I thought it would be fun to make a new version of Another Place, because I had reached another place in my life. A place where light ruled, and where the colors were brighter. So I created a second version of it in 2012.
Another Place (light version)
“Silencio” by Mia Makila, 2015 [digital] – click image to enlarge!
“THE GLITCH” BY MIA MAKILA, 2015 [digital]
All artworks by Mia Makila
“Judith” by Mia Makila, 2007, acrylic and charcoal on canvas, 100 x 80 cm
My painting “Judith” from 2007 is one of my most important paintings ever. Because before this painting, I had just started out making ‘horror art’ but it was mostly mixed media collages. Only a few years before I started to express my pain and fear through my art, I had made very classical still lifes with flower bouquets and jungle motifs.
Like this:
“Putto in the Garden” by Mia Makila, 2003, acrylic on canvas, 150 x 100 cm
“Still life with dog” by Mia Makila, 2002, acrylic on canvas
So when I started to create horror art instead of these “sweet” paintings, I finally found my true artistic voice – and I started to experiment with EVERYTHING – with new techniques, style, material, new stories and new genres. And I started to express myself instead of just depicting things.
The work I did on “Judith” marked a rebirth when it came to my painting style at the time. It is very visible in the work in progress pictures – how I was unleashing, discovering, exploring and having so much fun!
The creative process…
I didn’t stop experimenting until I felt like I had found something that was completely true to who I was and what I wanted to express. And from that painting on, I never went back to classical painting.
Here is a translated interview for a Swedish TV show from 2007 – I am talking about “Judith” and my creative process in the video.
“Grim Reaper – [Daisy Adair]” by Mia Makila, 2007
I remember making Grim Reaper – [Daisy Adair] in late 2007 very clearly, because it was the first painting where I felt like I had found something new and exciting in my color palette. I had gained weight due to my depression at the time, and I was totally hooked on sugar and candy and it’s reflected in my art as well – in the palette and in the sugary and playful tone of the style.
a contemporary grim reaper – Daisy Adair, Dead like me (2003)
Portrait of a young Marie Antoinette (1762)
The inspiration for Grim Reaper came from unexpected sources: the modern grim reapers of Dead Like Me, an american comedy-horror series that I was watching at the time, Marie Antoinette, Mark Ryden, Disney – and one day I was making whipped cream for a cake, and I just looked down at the perfect white ripples in the bowl and got inspired by the texture – so I used it in the face, and it has become a trademark for my art, the wrinkly demon faces.
the texture of whipped cream
work in progress shots
My Grim Reaper painting has been featured many times in art magazines, even on the cover of Swedish horror magazine Eskapix and the French art magazine – Freak Wave (but notice how they used an early version of the painting, without the color splashes).
When I posted my unfinished digital piece “Blackbird” on Facebook yesterday, I had no idea that it would become so popular. People have asked me if it’s for sale, and it was not at first, in fact – I was close to deleting it from my computer. But since people seem to enjoy it, I’ve decided to make it available for people to buy. It’s a digital piece, printed on Hahnemühle archival paper, 21 x 29,7 cm [including a little white space around the image as you can see in this image] edition of 10 original prints, all signed and numbered by me. Price: 2700 SEK [shipping fee included in the price]. e-mail me if you want to order a print: miamakila@gmail.com
My painting “Stigmata” was born because of a strange experience I had at a hospital in 2008. I was exhausted, burned out and stressed, working on 3 different art shows simultaneously – two of them were solo shows, all of them would open in February-March the following year (Stigmata would be the last painting I finished for the shows).
While I was working, working, working with my art – day and night AND dealing with a depression and a very messy and painful private life, my body simply said ‘nope, you can’t do this anymore’ and I collapsed. My body was covered with rash because of the stress, and I had to go through some serious examinations and treatments at the hospital. One of the doctors almost pierced my hand with her knife to get some deeper skin samples, it was very painful and I still have a scar where she made the cut.
I was inspired by this experience when I made Stigmata.
Another inspiration source when I was working on it was Ingmar Bergman’s “Cries and Whispers” (1972) and the dying woman [played by Harriet Andersson] in her little white nightcap. I made many more paintings and drawings like this during 2009-2010. I thought that by putting on the nightcap on the demons’ heads and remove their hair, they would look asexual or at least sexually ambiguous and ageless. My nightcap demons were raw human emotions expressed, like anxiety, pain and vulnerability.
Work in progress [with a blue costume instead of the white dress with blood].
Stigmata premiered in my solo show at MOHS Exhibit in Copenhagen, Denmark in March 2009 and the day of the opening it was on the cover of a big Danish newspaper, and the painting was sold in the show.
It is one of my favorite paintings I’ve ever done and I am planning on making another version of it later this year.
Yesterday I finally got a hold of the October/November 2014 issue of Inked Magazine, where my art is featured in a pretty little article!
MIA MAKILA 