My natural state

I am finally back to making art again. It’s been 5 months since I finished the last piece in PhotoShop (The Blue Connection). Being creative is my natural state, so I am starting to feel like myself again. I can see that my style has changed a bit since the last 2 pieces. It has shifted from a darker expression to a more delicate and dreamy style. My collage technique has always been driven by a freudian selection of images – but I work on a much deeper level now. My new collection of works will be my most personal one yet. Like visual diary notes. Who needs therapy when you have a talent to dig into yourself and bring it out as an emotional confession through a clear visual expression?

Moving forward

Today in my studio, working on “The Remains Of Lolita”

I am completely into the flow of my creativity and I am working on 10 digital pieces and paintings at the same time. But I am not stressed, I feel better than I have in a very long time. So many problems have been solved.  I am free from distractions and fears at the moment. It’s just me and my creativity – and Johnny for one hour a day during the weekdays when he’s at lunch. It’s all I need to keep moving forward.

Work in progress

This must be one of the strangest beginnings of a digital piece ever. I am intrigued but I have no idea where I am going with this. It’ll possibly be the first collaboration pieces with Candice Angelini, but I’m not sure yet, I have to see where this takes me first. I’m deep into the forest of my imagination right now…

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Experimenting

Work in progress.. I’m just experimenting with how I can paint with hi res images of flowers instead of paint. I’m also studying Dutch still lifes from the 17th century.

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The uncompromised expression

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 When I am working with my art – or anything creative – I am only interested in finding powerful and strong expressions.  I always start with the eyes – if there’s no genuine expression in the eyes or if they lack intensity, I won’t finish that piece and I just move on to another project. As soon as I start to compromise my vision, I end up feeling lost –  and when the creativity turns into a struggle I lose the joy of being part of it. Sometimes it feels like starting a new painting on a blank canvas is like taming a beast (the canvas being the beast  of ‘nothingness’ or something dead and empty).

I’ve always disliked a blank space – especially an empty white space. My desire is to fill the void, to make an expression, a statement, to tell a story and to create meaning where there seems to be no meaning at all. perhaps that’s why I like to fill the white canvas with a dark background. The darkness can hold all kinds of secrets within that black space – but something all white -without any hope of details inside, really creeps me out.

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My art is extremely personal and even though I don’t use my own face in my Lolita demons, they are all part of me and my fears, my rage, my pain and my inner voice. They are all self portraits in a way.

Sperm Wounds is my rage, Scrollan is an expression of  the helplessness I’ve felt in my past, Stigmata is about my physical hell.

The stories I share in my art, lays in the emotional expressions of my demons –  especially visible in the eyes, smile and body language. The portraits are simple in the compositions, there aren’t many details in the background, if any at all. But if you make eye contact with the characters, you will find endless shades of emotions and details in there.

Detail of Fire Head

Detail of Fire Head

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Through my stories and artistic expression, you get to share my emotions and the memories of humiliation, sadness and horror – and what it’s like to be a human soul in a world where heaven and hell are both centered inside our minds and hearts – and also outside ourselves.

In every corner of life.

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Self portrait, 2011