Some days are a solid and real world of their own. Days with their own core, with their own sense of space and time, and where there’s room for details that other days are hiding in their speed or the lack of it.
I woke up this morning and found the most beautiful love letter waiting for me. I stayed in my bed for a long time, just feeling the words melt into my reality as I was waking up. I realized how being truly loved has opened up something inside me, perhaps every closed door. I even feel closer to myself. Like I am celebrating my freedom with a new self-intimacy that I’ve never experienced before. And now I can see how vital that intimacy is for me and for my art. I need it to be able to express whatever is stored inside my hidden places and I don’t have access to those places without it. Now, I can see how I lost the intimacy to myself, so many times in my past. It happened every time I sacrificed my self-intimacy when I was hunting for love, or chasing something impossible while losing myself in the chase. No wonder that I couldn’t create art for all those years.
It’s the first time I’m not chasing anyone or anything, but instead love has found me and I’m enjoying the present moment, myself and what I actually do have in my life right at this moment. Perhaps losing everything in life makes you appriciate everything more – and you also learn about what you don’t need. I don’t need that much really. Just the man I love, my art, my connection and intimacy with myself, to be able to live without feeling guilt, shame or looking for appropriate punishments – and some books and movies.
Life is amazing and some days are a great testament to that. Like this day.