I was talking to a gallery owner yesterday and as we were deep into a conversation about my art he said something that I’ve been told all my life: “I guess you are a little crazy, like all artists are in some way!”
I always laugh and say “Of course I am crazy!” But I never really understand what they are referring to because to me “crazy” is to be out of control and irresponsible, and I can’t relate to that at all.
In fact, I feel like I’m ‘uncrazy’ and free of what society is trying to force upon me – norms, narrow minded ideas of how I am supposed to live my life: “eat-sleep-work-consume”, celebrating holidays and traditions, believing in mainstream values and ideals and not questioning things, but just going along with whatever everyone else feels comfortable with.
I can’t do that. My soul is too free in spirit, my heart is too alive and my mind is too curious about life beyond the hamster wheel of everyday life.
And I’m not scared to explore darker human themes in my art, such as fear, anxiety, rage and sexuality.
But I guess it’s easy for people to label people like me as a little ” crazy” because it’s easier to put a distance to a free spirit than to make an effort to be one. Because it’s really hard work to stay free and it takes a lot of dedication and effort.
It’s easier to just let go of any resistance and fall into the pre-made ideas if how a life should look and feel like. What kind of sex you should feel OK with, what kind of music you are supposed to consume, what kind of opinions you are supposed to have, taste in clothes, routines in your everyday life, where you are supposed to travel to feel like you are still alive and curious, emotions that are OK to show and emotions that you have to suppress.
I can’t do that. I tried to live like that in many of my old relationships but I always ended up feeling like a guest in my own life and Iost my sense of identify.
I am OK with being labeled as “crazy” because with it comes a freedom of being true to who I am, even if I’m included in a group of human beings who act and think in ways I can’t relate to like mentally insane people, society oucasts, killers and criminals. Perhaps people mistake the word “crazy” for “free spirit”in this context. Because there is nothing sick or criminal with staying true to who you really are.
It is so liberating.