I’m feeling restless. Frustrated. In my mind, I am trying to expand my body so it can reach all the way across the Atlantic ocean to America, so I can wrap myself around the man I love. To melt with him in every way possible – or I guess in all the impossible ways. To fall in love is easy, but to build a real and solid foundation of a relationship with someone on the other side of the world is hard. It is hard work and takes a lot of ambition, to overcome the frustration and to deal with the two dimensional world of talking on the phone. But I’ve never felt closer to anyone in my life. We have created a world of our own, our home, with sensuality and intimacy as the core of that home. It is an incredible experience.
If I close my eyes while we are talking, I can feel how the two dimensional reality is dissolving and transforming into a timeless room, filled with warm light and body heat. It’s all there, in the silences between us, or in the sound of his voice – our world and its strong heartbeats. He can touch me gently with his breath, in places I don’t even recognize in myself, he can light my fire so easily by looking at me through the digital blindness.
I didn’t know it could all be there, without me being there at all. Physically I mean. But he will be here – soon. Only a month to go until I can wrap myself around the man I love.