The whole year, I’ve followed a ‘life plan’ that I created for myself last year. It had 5 steps in which I had to deal with issues, problems and to be more hands on when it comes to solutions and getting stuff done. I’ve done everything on that list and I feel proud of myself and my accomplishments, small and big.
I was totally lost for many years – and I felt like life and situations were controlling me and not the other way around. With a life plan, I feel in control of my own life again. I have a plan for next year too, and I’ve set short term goals, long term goals and also defined dreams and wishes for my distant future. They say that you shouldn’t tell anyone about your plans, then you are less likely to go through with them. I won’t tell you all about my plans and dreams, but I will tell you that I am going to start writing – I mean more than in this blog. I already have 4 different writing projects in my head.
I am sure it will take me a lot of years to write them, but I am in no hurry. I haven’t been writing anything other than these posts for 10 years now, but as I teenager, I was waiting all the time. I spent more time writing than painting then. And when I met my abuser, who wanted to become a writer, I stopped writing all together because he made me feel ashamed of it, because he had read more books than me, I didn’t know what I was doing. And if I ever tried to write anything, I was punished and silenced.
I’ve met that resistance throughout my life, and I am finally breaking free from it.
So, it’s time to explore a new side to my talent of self expression. It’s time to share what stories I can’t tell through my paintings and pictures. I feel confident and inspired.