It’s been a strange week. A new prince was born to the royal family of Sweden – Prince Alexander, and another Prince died. And I’m starting to embrace opportunities instead of rejecting them, like I’ve done so many times during the last 7 years. I don’t want to be isolated anymore. I don’t need it. The isolation was a necessary element in the process of self-empowerment. I needed that complete focus on myself to be able to grow and change. But I feel ready now. Ready to just be. Live. And try new things. To be out there – to be part of the world again. I need to get a job so I can finance big art projects. I have so many things I want to accomplish.
At times, my ego is standing in the way for me to reach my goals – because the road to get there is not straight or easy to walk. I let comfort rule instead of growth. I have been scared of letting go of the idea that everything has to be done my way. I definitely have a rebel living somewhere inside me. Now, I accept the fact that at times I need to let things happen and naturally unfold without any interference or a wish to have full control. Everything will always be OK in the end. I am learning how to trust life to be kind to me – and me to be kind to myself in my processes of making decisions and choices. I am learning how to embrace the unknown instead of trying to tame it like a wild beast.
I’m much more tolerant now when it comes to having my ego poked. I don’t need to be perfect or to be loved by everyone that comes my way. I just want to be happy – and to stay focused on all the wonderful projects I want to realize. That’s why my new focus has to be on the thing I hate most in life – money. I need to do whatever it takes to get out of this gloomy place of being constantly broke. I can’t even afford to print my own digital art, that’s how broke I am. If I had the money, I would be putting on art shows right now. So I need to get a job, any job. It’s super scary. My ego is crushed.
And it’s lovely feeling.