Our first days



Yesterday -a walk in the rain.

It hasn’t been the smoothest start for me and Johnny,  because once again my health has totally collapsed. I’ve been struggling with health problems all summer. But I’m not gonna let it destroy these two weeks I have with my love.  I’m sure there will be a few more rounds to the clinic and I’m feeling anxious and scared about my physical agony,  but I have someone who really loves me, right here by my side.  It’s easy to be blinded by the fear and the anxiety of wondering if my health will get better or worse but I refuse to let it be my main focus.

I just wish my body was stronger. I know it was only some weeks ago that I wrote about being exhausted and being a little mentally burned out. I guess I should’ve listened more to the signals before it was too late. There’s been too much stress lately,  too much pain and suffering.

I guess the anticipation and the (positive) stress about Johnny’s arrival was one thing too many and what made me feel pushed over the edge.

The most important thing now is to rest. To accept the love he has to offer (even though that’s another struggle because I feel like I don’t deserve it) and to enjoy the time we have together.  I am not in a good place when it comes to my body. But when it comes to my heart, I’m in Heaven.

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