My health issues have turned into a cage and I feel limited and isolated from the world. Today I had to make yet another visit at the clinic and this time the Doctor took some blood tests. Hopefully I’ll know the results by next week. I can’t do more than to wait and try to relax as much as I can, but I’m not allowed to wear make up for a while and it bothers me and I don’t like that I feel ashamed of my naked face – it is who I am and I’m all about authenticity and nakedness so it shouldn’t bother me this much. Perhaps this is the perfect time to accept myself as I really am. – with or without make up, with swollen and red eyes, rashes or any imperfections. It’s kind of scary how women are perceived as more beautiful with make up than with a natural face. What is the difference between that thought and having to wear a burqa?
Even though I feel caged by my health issues, I do feel like I am focusing on the right things – out with the negativity and in with optimism. Things will get better. They just have to. I can’t stand this place of helplessness and vulnerability. As long as I don’t feel at home in it – I will find a way out of it.