Ovulation day. Mild anxiety and health issues. Grey skies. Wacthing Little Jinder on TV. I love her and her Lolita power, I feel connected to her world. I finished the work on“The Idiot” – even though I felt I was already done with it since the last session. As soon as my expression has manifested itself in the painting, I lose interest. Just like Hitchcock, he was done with the movie once he’d storyboard it in his head, the shooting and editing was just pure labor. The ovulation makes me feel so tired, otherwise I would’ve started a new piece already, but I will once it’s over. I feel full of life, but I can’t seem to find a way to let it all out. Am I scared of losing control? Of losing my old identity of the queen of anxiety? On a day like this, it’s damn hard to know.