Att flyga
med vingar
som brinner
din dörr
slår igen
och igen
efterdyningar
av vilda
hjärtslag
och ljus
som vibrerar
långsamt
mot låren
river
sönder
varje verklighet
där du raderar
mitt namn
med tvång
och tvivel

– Mia Makila – 16

I feel hurt. Perhaps it’s just my silly expectations of things, or perhaps most people are unaware of how they sometimes fluctuate between wanting closeness and then suddenly keeping a distance. It’s not always easy for me to be this connected to things, people, hearts and minds, because it makes any disconnection so very brutal. And I know I am alone in my experience since most people don’t think about these matters. But it’s like one day you mean the world to them, the next you are nothing but the smallest detail in the back of their minds.

I’m not like that at all but I guess I have to learn how to adapt to the changes of their inner thermostat so I won’t end up hurt on the days when there’s more distance and coldness than the days where I feel appreciated and embraced.

My heart is the most sensitive place. I should create a map for people to know how to navigate inside it so they know where they shouldn’t go.

It’s a strange day, I feel flat and I’m having a bad hair day to match. But the busy day at the gallery is the perfect distraction.  I haven’t had the proper time to write anything substantial here in a while,  I really miss it. I need to write when I’ll get home.  And possibly dye my hair, because I’m lacking a dimension of the color red right now.  In many different ways. Inside and out.

Enjoying my morning coffee at the gallery where I’m doing my internship right now [Galleri Kameleont ].

It’s morning but I’m still wrapped in the clouds of dreams and nocturnal adventures. I’ll just keep it with me in my pocket all day.

Today was beautiful. My life is my favorite place in the world right now. I’m so grateful and I am feeling so loved, not only by Johnny but also by people who have the most generous hearts and want to share them with me, by friends and fans, – and also by myself. And I’m doing a lasting comeback when it comes to painting. “The Core” is actually the first painting of 2016. But hopefully I’ll be able to keep this flow of creativity and mojo that I’ve got working for me right now. Even if I still have a long way to go until I’m ready to show my art in a gallery again, I’ve achieved more than I thought was possible in a short amount of time. I feel proud of myself.

I’ve changed a lot as an artist since the long hiatus. I want to celebrate this change by making a statement, so this is the perfect time to officially change my last name from the original Finnish spelling – Mäkilä – to the international version – Makila – even in my Swedish art career, where I’m known by the original spelling and pronunciation. Mia Mäkilä doesn’t exist anymore. No more dots. Just a clean place to start over.

This is the dawn of the life, the adventures and successes of Mia Makila! I feel like celebrating…

Working on delicate details, not much work left until I’m all done.

selfie from 2011

It’s a sensual Sunday. I feel part of its texture. And the softness of time slowly passing. One moment of peace after the other. I am painting. Perhaps I’ll be finished with it by tonight. It’s not much work left. Just detail work, touch-ups and finishing the most important part of the painting – the core – and the flames of the warmest part of the soul. It’s the first time I am making such a metaphysical reference in my art. I think it might be my new thing.

I may not be an expert when it comes to most things in life – but I do think I might be a scientist of the human soul. I will use my art and writing to show the results I’m finding on my quest to understanding its mysterious and magical nature and substance.