It’s been a strange month. It is like I have been creating a new life for myself in my new apartment, and at the same time, fate is rearranging the rest of the pieces to fit my new life. It’s all slowly coming together now. I’m putting my past to rest. Dealing with the last demons, trying to make friends with them before I bury them for good. I am always trying to understand things, make research and dissect whatever is bothering me, before I let it go. When it makes sense to me, it won’t haunt me anymore.
Letting go of destructive patterns, relationships and thoughts is very difficult. Change can only happen if you are willing to let go of what you know and surrender yourself to the unknown. We hold on to these bad things because they are familiar to us, it is what we know, and somehow we tell ourselves that it’s working, that we gain something by holding on to it. We only repeat destructive behavior or stay in toxic relationships because we think we somehow need it, that it serves a purpose. When we are ready to see that we are unhappy because of it, then we can finally look for a way out – and then how to let go.
I try to liberate my soul. To make it breathe without inhaling fear or a sense of being in the wrong place or feeling uncomfortable with decisions that I’ve made (or not made). It is all up to me to set it free. There is no religion, no other person, there is no shortcut that will help me do what I have to do – Only I have the power to change so I can be happy and free inside.
A friend of mine died yesterday and I found out about it this morning. It made me think about what really matters to me, and what I have in my life. I am gonna hold on to that and get rid of everything else, things that doesn’t matter, relationships that makes me unhappy and drained, superficial problems and old ideals that feels – old and all used up.
It’s time to let go of the bad. And it’s time to focus on celebrating the good.