It’s a new time in my life. I don’t know what to write about here anymore. There is no past to deal with. I don’t want to think about the future, I want it to be an extension of the now, not anything more or less than that. I’ve learned that it’s no use, to think about the future. It is nothing but a collection of moments and minutes, unexperienced and unknown to any of my senses.
I use to be filled with chaos and fear, but I feel at peace right now. Where there was chaos is now nothing but white skies and I can finally breathe again without inhaling the ashes of my past. I’ve found clarity within myself. Now, it’s the world outside myself that is filled with chaos and fear.
I won’t abandon the themes of fear, rage and emotional destruction in my work. It is too important, too relevant and I still have a lot of unexpressed emotions inside me, that won’t come out any other way. The world is a beautiful place, but filled with inexplicable evil and unfailing darkness.
Paris and I know a similar pain, because terrorism is just like abuse – it doesn’t follow any logic or reason. I wasn’t attacked in my marriage when we were fighting, I was attacked while I was in my bed, naked, and asleep – or when I felt relaxed and happy. The shock of violence, terror and hate is bigger when there’s no warning, no sign of danger.
That is why it is important for me to keep painting the darkness, because, unfortunately, it isn’t fiction but real.