Last night with my friend Jasmina, talking about self-empowerment and changes.
I am still mentally preparing myself to really focus on my art again. I feel like an athlete, warming up before a big performance. Part of this preparation is to be aware of distractions, and kill them, one by one, in order to create a clean space, both mentally and physically, where it’s just me and my creativity. It’s harder than I thought it would be. It’s like most of every day life is about distractions. Random thoughts and worry about things that are out of my control – I call this behavior‘mindlessness’ (the opposite of mindfulness). But it’s also the constant checking my email, Facebook, Instagram and Messenger. I call this ‘dumb-dumb-time’ because it’s just a random, mindless routine without any purpose at all. It’s such a waste of time – but yet so easy to get sucked into and suddenly you’ve been scrolling and scrolling away precious time you could have used on something more important.
I don’t watch TV, but I do spend a lot of time binge watching TV-series which is OK but not during the best hours of the day. I will need to change my routines. I stopped watching regular TV 10 years ago, and it’s such a big relief – I used to be a slave to the weekly TV schedule and had to interrupt whatever I was doing to watch a show. Now, I am also free of disgusting TV commercials. It’s like a detox when it comes to manipulations.
Killing distractions is like vacuum the every day life. To clean out all those things without any good in them, or at least minimizing it. I need to stop being lazy and sacrifice the false sense of ‘freedom’ I feel when I’m not doing anything. That kind of ‘freedom’ just makes me a slave to my meaningless and passive routines and stupid habits. And a guilty conscious about what I should be doing instead. I am also cleaning out self-doubt, bad self-esteem, negative energy and negative thoughts. I’m learning how to stop caring about other people’s judgments and idiocy – it just creates a victim mentality anyway. Totally toxic and destructive.
I will keep working on this new mindset. I’m on a killing spree – and I’ll get each and every of those distractions which are standing between me and the focus I need to be one with my creativity again.