With my black box.
I’ve been thinking about this thing about being without a thinking box. I do HAVE a box (other than my own core). It is my fear. My black box. I’ve even put it into my work a few times. Every thought process is filtered through this box. Always. It’s what a trauma does to your mind after a long time of feeling unsafe and judged. I used to be scared of everything, but I’ve dealing with so many fears in therapy and in my art, I do feel I’ve overcome so much of it. But there is still a black box inside my mind. I think it contains residue form my trauma, but nothing more than that. There is no real substance to my fear anymore. It’s almost like a phantom fear – no longer real but still present.
I have already been writing so much about this fear. The fear of happiness. Love. Success. The world outside my own head. Life.
It’s a twisted fear, not about the dark but about the light.
I wonder what could erase this fear and eliminate the black box. I think I know the answer already. It’s trust. Faith. Acceptance. Peace of mind.
And I’m working hard to achieve all that. Perhaps I’ll always have a black box inside my head – maybe we all have one, but I want to make it shrink and empty the box as much as I can.
2 thoughts on “The black box”
yeah i think you could be right we all have a box………I’m always escaping from my box as i find it too confining i like to see outside my box so i can try to understand other people,s feelings ………..it feels good to try on a different pair of shoe,s now and then……….Stevie
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yes it does, although I do it too often, it often breaks me. I need to think about myself more and less about how I can save other people.