The mysterious blue box in Lynch’s Mulholland Drive (2001)

I’m getting great professional guidance while looking for a job so I can finance my future art projects. It’s hard for me to find a job since I don’t have much work experience in the “real world”. I’ve worked in a few museums as a receptionist but that’s about it. Talking to various job coaches I’ve come to realize something interesting about myself. When it comes to “thinking outside the box”, I’ve never thought inside the box – and I don’t even have a box! I’ve never seen the box!  I’m utterly box-less! And this is the reason why it’s so very hard for me to find a job but also keeping a job.

To be without a box is what freedom is all about and something very positive to me. But it does cause problems when I’m supposed to function in the world outside myself. Society is all about inside-or-outside-the box thinking, but the is no room for a person like me who doesn’t understand the concept of either of them. I don’t know how to suddenly find a box so I can think inside or outside it – or how to use this box-less way of thinking as a resource in a work place instead of it being a shortcoming.

As an artist, a life without the box is essential and necessary in order for the imagination to run free and wild. The only box I have and need, is my own core.

Perhaps I can create my own box or study the one most people seem to have a relationship to, so I can play by the rules of the real world. I don’t know if it’s possible or even a good idea, I just discovered this and I need to understand it more. I believe it’s a good thing to be box-less but it makes everything more complicated. I wish I knew where I belong in this world that’s full of unknown boxes and the different approaches and proximity to them. I wish it was easier for me to adjust to it all.