It’s a rainy Sunday afternoon. The trees are colored in all the warm nuances I can think of. I’m feeling better but I’m still not well. I went to a massage place earlier this week and the masseuse told me my neck and my shoulders are tense and hard like concrete.  Of course they are, I’ve been going through many heavy things for a long period of time and I’ve been very inactive. It’s funny, I tried to take care of my body but got so worried and stressed that I made everything worse. I am so out of sync with myself. I am working so hard to overcome my fears that I forget about my body. I have only been connected between body-mind-soul for a year or so, I guess it will take some time to find a good balance. It was so much easier to live in the disconnection, because I could just go on neglecting one part of me or another without feeling the consequences. I often go back to read my therapy notes from the time where I began my process of reconnecting, it is a sad display of self-neglect and confusion: “Mind = truth, Heart = can not trust, Body = stranger”.

.

Marianne by Mia Makila. 2011 (acrylic on panel)

My body-mind disconnection is visible in my art as well, where the characters are missing limbs and have enlarged heads.

.

I need to find a way to take care of every part of my existence; mind/body/heart/soul/core and celebrate the wonderful things they bring me. I have to live healthy in all parts. I want to liberate them from their old cages, chains and limitations. I will try to focus more on the good things. To be in the moment with my body, my mind and my soul. To laugh. Often. And loud. To be creative. Focused. Using uninhibited and unlimited imagination. I want to dance. Hard. Wildly. To feel the love I get. To feel it all the way. Deeper. To take longer walks. And meditate. To let go of negative energy. To shake it off.