The more I am working on my self esteem and dealing with the codependency issue, I am finding more and more strength and optimism. It’s not like I used to be empty and now I am filling a hole in myself – it’s the opposite; I am peeling off layer after layer of twisted self images and other people’s weight that they’ve put on me.
I remember when I started this inner journey and made paintings about melting masks and faces changing skin. And I’ve been doing exactly that in real life too. All the lies are melting away. The pain too. And so much fear.
Since I haven’t been working this intensely with my art for a long time, my wrist and right arm is a bit sore and strained. I’ve actually done more artworks during these first two weeks of 2017 than I did during the whole year of 2014.
I keep losing so much hair, I am scared that if it continues, I will go completely bald. But I can’t stress about it since stress is what’s causing my hair to fall out in the first place. Perhaps I’ll end up looking like my bald demons. I hope not.
There are so many good things happening right now, yet my life is still the same. I think I’ve just found the first heartbeat of life. I thought it would be difficult to find, since I’ve been isolated in my apartment for many years – but it’s like we are equally curious of each other, both me and life.