Category: ART

The stories behind my art: “My Secret Lover”

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Untitled work, 2008

Untitled work, 2008

It happens that I never finish my digital pieces. I don’t know why, perhaps they’re lacking a good composition, or the storytelling doesn’t work. But sometimes I steal one or two details from the unfinished works and put them in a different context and then everything just works. They come alive. This is what happened with ‘My Secret Lover’ [2012]. It was originally part of this chaotic composition [above]. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking while I was making it, but it just didn’t work out. It’s too busy, too cluttered and the story doesn’t make sense at all.  A giant Pinocchio wedding cake with bugs, Batman, toy soldiers, cocks in the sky, eyeballs and some strippers?  What was I thinking?

So I stole the stripper with purple hair riding the tin chicken [placed in middle/right area of the piece] and put her in a much more serene space. And it worked.

"My Secret Lover" by Mia Makila, 2012

“My Secret Lover” by Mia Makila, 2012

Here it is, framed, hanging on a buyer’s wall:

"My Secret Lover"

“My Secret Lover”

Why I think NASA is sexy

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Photo by NASA

Photo by NASA

 

I’m watching the 2014 documentary “The Last Man on the Moon” about Apollo astronaut Eugene Cernan who stepped off the moon in 1972 leaving his footprints and his daughter’s initials in the lunar dust.  It is a powerful story and I have tears in my eyes. There’s a strong connection between art and science – both equally curious about finding and exploring the boundaries of life and reality. Artists and scientists have worked closely together for hundreds  of years,  especially before the camera was invented. The artists illuminated the microcosmic worlds found by the scientists and illustrated their understanding of plants, human anatomy, geography, astronomy and the animal kingdom.

Photo by NASA

I’m really in awe of science at times. Especially all of the NASA projects makes my mind have goosebumps all over. It actually makes my mind feel wet and aroused. Not only do they produce mind-blowing photographs of the galaxies of our Universe which are more amazing than any art I could ever imagine, – and pushes the limits of what’s possible to achieve, NASA is, according to me, expressing the highest form of human curiosity. And that’s fucking hot. That’s what motivates lovers too. Curiosity. A need to explore, to go beyond any familiar limits or restraints, to reach a higher level of consciousness – and the uncompromised assertiveness to follow a desire. NASA is listening to the heartbeats of Space. Penetrating deeper within the unexplored. Blazing across the sky. Flames. Fire. Explosions. Roaring. lift off.  Going higher. Higher. Vibrations. Unfolding. Silence. Stillness. Darkness. Light. Orbiting. Gravity. No gravity. Breaths. Tumbling. Faster. Faster. a timeless time. Taming the unknown. Devouring. Touchdown. Exploring density. Depth. Landscapes. The surface. And the hidden worlds underneath. Textures. Colors. Footprints on new territories. Wanting to be the first. To go deeper. Further. Beyond. Trembling with fear. Anticipation. To change the consciousness. Expanding. Open. Wide open. Secrets revealed. Absorbing every moment. Appreciation. Love. Home. But deep into another world.

There are many similarities between NASA and a lover. But perhaps the most significant thing they have in common is the need to risk it all to be able to find a sense of belonging in a place, far, far away from everything they have ever known. A home away from home.

Unveiling of Mia Makila artwork at Galleri Kameleont – “KONSTRIDÅ”

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Today’s unveiling of my artwork “The Taste of Time and Paranoia” at Galleri Kameleont. I was honored to be part of the gallery’s “KONSTRIDÅ” (art curtain) project where one artist is invited to show one artwork at the gallery for only one day, and it’s not reveled who the artist is or what artwork is hiding underneath the curtain until the actual unveiling of the piece. I had so much fun!

The Taste of Time and Paranoia (digital)

The Taste of Time and Paranoia (digital) by Mia Makila, 2014

Unfolding

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It’s an incredible love. This is the first time I feel like I am safe enough to be honest about who I am in everything – and knowing I won’t ever be judged for it. Sometimes you need to set someone free in order for them to be able to breathe but still be deeply connected. That’s when trust is your guiding light.

My new life is my favorite work in progress. I’m experimenting with the elements of it to see where everything is meant to go. If it doesn’t fit, I will find a better place for it. I’m exploring my boundaries and the shapes and forms of my freedom and independence. I’ve never been able to do this before. Johnny is the most generous soul I’ve ever met and he’s letting me be me – all the way, even though I have my own philosophy about so many things that could easily scare him off. I’m not like other people so I need to find my own lifestyle that feels authentic and true to who I am. This is where I’ve done a lot of damaging compromises in my past – and let men castrate me in order to fit their view of who I should be instead of who I am.  I’ve let them tame my inner wilderness until every ounce of me has dozed off and then I’m just there to serve their needs.

This is my time. The age of Mia. And I’m creating it in real time, letting things unfold without trying to control it and just improvising instead of planning. All I know is that I feel like I’m slowly getting everything I’ve ever wished for. And for the first time, I’m not scared of losing it – because I have trust. I trust Johnny. Myself. I have trust in people. And in life itself. What more do I need to be able to express every side of myself that has been quiet and chained for so long?

Bakom ditt filter

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Att flyga
med vingar
som brinner
din dörr
slår igen
och igen
efterdyningar
av vilda
hjärtslag
och ljus
som vibrerar
långsamt
mot låren
river
sönder
varje verklighet
där du raderar
mitt namn
med tvång
och tvivel

– Mia Makila – 16

The various Farenheit of the heart

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I feel hurt. Perhaps it’s just my silly expectations of things, or perhaps most people are unaware of how they sometimes fluctuate between wanting closeness and then suddenly keeping a distance. It’s not always easy for me to be this connected to things, people, hearts and minds, because it makes any disconnection so very brutal. And I know I am alone in my experience since most people don’t think about these matters. But it’s like one day you mean the world to them, the next you are nothing but the smallest detail in the back of their minds.

I’m not like that at all but I guess I have to learn how to adapt to the changes of their inner thermostat so I won’t end up hurt on the days when there’s more distance and coldness than the days where I feel appreciated and embraced.

My heart is the most sensitive place. I should create a map for people to know how to navigate inside it so they know where they shouldn’t go.

Bad hair day

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It’s a strange day, I feel flat and I’m having a bad hair day to match. But the busy day at the gallery is the perfect distraction.  I haven’t had the proper time to write anything substantial here in a while,  I really miss it. I need to write when I’ll get home.  And possibly dye my hair, because I’m lacking a dimension of the color red right now.  In many different ways. Inside and out.

A future without dots

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Today was beautiful. My life is my favorite place in the world right now. I’m so grateful and I am feeling so loved, not only by Johnny but also by people who have the most generous hearts and want to share them with me, by friends and fans, – and also by myself. And I’m doing a lasting comeback when it comes to painting. “The Core” is actually the first painting of 2016. But hopefully I’ll be able to keep this flow of creativity and mojo that I’ve got working for me right now. Even if I still have a long way to go until I’m ready to show my art in a gallery again, I’ve achieved more than I thought was possible in a short amount of time. I feel proud of myself.

I’ve changed a lot as an artist since the long hiatus. I want to celebrate this change by making a statement, so this is the perfect time to officially change my last name from the original Finnish spelling – Mäkilä – to the international version – Makila – even in my Swedish art career, where I’m known by the original spelling and pronunciation. Mia Mäkilä doesn’t exist anymore. No more dots. Just a clean place to start over.

This is the dawn of the life, the adventures and successes of Mia Makila! I feel like celebrating…

Metaphysics

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selfie from 2011


It’s a sensual Sunday. I feel part of its texture. And the softness of time slowly passing. One moment of peace after the other. I am painting. Perhaps I’ll be finished with it by tonight. It’s not much work left. Just detail work, touch-ups and finishing the most important part of the painting – the core – and the flames of the warmest part of the soul. It’s the first time I am making such a metaphysical reference in my art. I think it might be my new thing.

I may not be an expert when it comes to most things in life – but I do think I might be a scientist of the human soul. I will use my art and writing to show the results I’m finding on my quest to understanding its mysterious and magical nature and substance.

To share but not to have

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Working at the gallery is opening up many new places in my mind, not only when it comes to my own art, but also ideas for projects and possibilities I’ve never considered before. I’m having so much fun. I think I’ll finish my painting in a few days. I can’t wait to show it to you. After that, I have more ideas for paintings and drawings. I see them all in my head already.

It’s been a rough week for me and Johnny, it’s hard to be so far apart. Having a long distance relationship is not easy. People think that long distance relationships aren’t really real because of the lack of physical interactions, but at times it’s even more real than a relationship with someone who’s there with you since the only thing you are able to share is verbal communication. Talking is always good. It is the foundation for any healthy relationship. But it’s still hard to maintain a long distance relationship – especially when the missing turns into frustration and the frustration turns into all kinds of bad energies. But love will survive any obstacle, if there’s a two way effort to make it work. I’m happy to have found a man who’s willing to fight for me, no matter what comes our way. I feel lucky. But at times I feel lonely here on this side of the world. It’s the backside of a long distance relationship. To share but not to have. It’s a lot of dimensions getting lost in the void between us, but they are still there. I just wish I could feel his hand on my face right now, telling me that everything will be alright. Because it always will be, in the end.

The change

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When you’ve changed so much as I have, it’s hard to be confronted with something familiar to whatever you left behind. The familiarity of it is alluring because it feels like like home, but then there’s this uncomfortable and painful aftertaste that you can’t stand. Like an allergic  reaction to old patterns and destructive elements.

It can be hard to face confrontations like this because it triggers a conflict of loyalty and a feeling compromising the change. The change you’ve worked so hard for.

But once you’ve changed, it’s impossible to go back. It’s like an old version of reality that has lost its substance and color. It doesn’t fit you anymore. And you don’t fit that reality. You never did.

I never did.

Many levels

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This is a morning with many levels. I feel both pain and excitement. The past is sometimes only one truth away, chasing the present. Tearing it apart. And yet, I am so much more than the pain now. It’s just a detail. But some details have a very loud voice.

På e si

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På e si
R
Random rader
av
non sens
och
all var samma
saker
som lik
som
går på tvärs
att
läs
A
Å
C
vad?
som
finns
in nan för
bak
om bort om
som
insp i Re
Rar
själ 1
till
S
den stå r
i
bra
nd

 

  • MIA MAKILA – 16

To be special and not ‘special’

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Every day I surprise myself a little with my intellect and creativity. I was brainwashed and manipulated for so many years, to believe that I am stupid and incapable. That I am ‘special’ in that other way – ‘special’ like a freak. Manipulations are tricky and even if you are a smart person and even if you are very strong, there are ways for them to break you down and to groom your mind in order for them to match your thoughts with their twisted perception of things. It’s a slow process and you might not even register that it’s happening to you. And suddenly, you stop believing in yourself, you question your taste, your intellect and the value of your experiences – or you start doubting friendships, interests, hobbies, goals, dreams and desires. You lose the connection to the things you love – and instead it’s replaced by their judgment and vision of what’s right and wrong.

Here is a list of things some people close to me have manipulated me into believing:

  • that I am not a real artist, it’s only a hobby
  • that I have bad taste in movies, literature, music and just bad taste in general
  • that I am too naive to be smart and strong
  • that my seduction is an act, that is something to laugh about
  • that I am incapable of being independent
  • that I’m too stupid to be taken seriously
  • that I’m too short and small as a person to be of significance
  • that I’m unintelligent because I use my creativity and imagination where other people might focus on logic and ‘inside-the-box’ -thinking.
  • that I can’t have sex because I demand too much of my lovers (to be connected, sensual, seductive and expressive)
  • that I don’t deserve to be happy
  • that I don’t deserve to be successful
  • that I don’t deserve to express my sexuality
  • that I don’t deserve to be popular
  • that I don’t deserve to be loved
  • that I am selfish
  • that I am egocentric
  • that I am ugly and gross when I put on some weight
  • that I have no value as a writer
  • that I am not allowed to call myself a writer
  • that I should not be heard
  • that I should not be seen
  • that I am tragic because I’ve been depressed
  • that I am difficult because I’ve been struggling with PTSD and traumas
  • that I am a problem because I suffer panic attacks
  • that I am a social misfit because I have a lot of integrity and don’t engage in social activities
  • that I’m worthless

.

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My art is the biggest part of who I am – it’s not a hobby nor does it make me a freak

.

The list is not a collection of my own words – these notions doesn’t reflect my own perception of myself. So I’ll let it all go. I’ll never look at myself that way ever again. I’m out of the manipulations. Their spell is broken. I am beautiful. Smart. Talented. My art is amazing, not a hobby but my legacy to the world. And I am special – in a positive way and not as a freak. Well, I don’t mind being called a freak if by freak you mean ‘I’m proud of who I am  without apologizing for it!’. If so – then I’m a very proud freak!

That’s when I feel beautiful

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My days are no longer a parade of dark tones – but instead they are a collection of beautiful nuances of fire and light, shifting and flashing like lightning inside me. I’m feeling strong – and very feminine. I am in sync with my sexual energy and it is woven into my thoughts, movements and creativity in the most delightful way. I never knew how much that energy means to me. I need to protect it and not lose the connection again.

I’m soon off for another workday at the gallery and tonight I’ll continue working on “The Core”. I haven’t had the proper time to paint lately, so I am feeling excited and all tingly just thinking about it. I need to get my hands dirty and be all covered in paint and charcoal again. That’s when I feel really beautiful.

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My first art show [8 years old]

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My very first art show happened when I was only 8 years old. It was a school project and me and my classmates were making colorful paper collages which would be displayed on a wall at the art museum in my hometown. The local newspaper did a little coverage of the thing and I was featured in a photo (the girl to the left) with a quote stating that I wanted to be a real artist one day. And that’s exactly what I’d become.

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