This piece was difficult to make. It is a real memory from my life. A moment that repeated itself over and over again throughout my relationship with an abusive man. I loved that man. Or I thought I loved him. I thought he loved me. But at times, he told me he wanted to kill me. During a few seconds while physically abusing me. he even tried to kill me:
Most of the times he is just threatening my life in various ways. Sometimes with his hands. Sometimes he has a knife. Or boiling water. I am on the floor. He is on top of me. I have his spit in my face. His hungry saliva all over me. His hands around my neck. We are both sweaty. I am screaming. He is yelling, calling me things, telling me that I am a sinner, I am the devil, a prostitute. Worthless. I am fighting for my life but at the same time – I am not here. I disappear. I dissociate. At times I am shielding my body with a painting of birch trees that hangs on our wall. When he is trying to strangle me, I pretend to get unconscious to make him stop. My strategy is successful. The grip of his hands around my neck relaxes, he whispers: “Mia? Mia?….Mia?” Since I am holding my breath, I suddenly grasp for air and he starts to cry: “I am such a monster… I’m sorry. I’m sorry”. My job now is to make him feel better. “No, you are wonderful, I love you so much, you are not a monster” I tell him and start to comfort him with my body. Nobody knows what he is doing to me. Nobody is comforting me, not even myself.
I’ve never put so much work into a digital piece before, been working around the clock with this one. It was fun to do but the story behind it is awful and disturbing – about the private jet plane “Lolita Express” – owned by Jeffrey Epstein. What a horrible concept and I feel so much compassion and sadness for those poor girls. My heart is reaching out to them through this intense piece. I hope you like it and fins your own stories in it as well.
Art, Disney books and vintage erotica.
Detail from a work in progress. Based on Jeffrey Epstein’s jet plane “Lolita Express”, yeah, this one is a difficult piece to make…Thinking about all those poor girls…
“My Secret Garden” by Mia Makila, based on the mask sculpture “Postmortem III” by Candice Angelini. Digital ultrachrome print, edition of 5. Available.
Based on a meditation experience I had the other week:
“My life is no longer a horizontal world of a “past, present and future”. My life is no longer a timeline to follow – but a vertical cycle of natural processes; death, nurturing, life, power. A journey from darkness to light.”
This is the first new art collaboration piece with Candice Angelini. There will be more.
Have you ever wondered about all the upside-down crosses in my art? Well here is the answer, it might surprise you ❤ #miamakilastories (Instagram series)
Videos and photos from my MONSTER TEAM art show with Maria Wingård on culture night in Norrköping, Sweden, September 29th 2018 (Norrköpings kulturnatt).
Fighting the heatwave with art!
I dedicate this painting to all women and girls in Alabama, USA. The only person entitled to make a decision about their body is the owner of the body. Especially when it comes to such a profound decision of creating a life or choosing not to.. Women are like God that way (if you believe in one, I don’t) and you don’t interfere with God’s plan. The red cross in her back symbolizes delusional religious people and conservatives – who believe they are entitled to judge, force, exclude, punish, hate and make decisions for other people (in this case women). I was abused by a man of faith and during the attacks of physical and psychological abuse he used to shout: “I must beat the devil out of you! You have the devil inside you and he makes you into a whore!”
I will never stop fighting for women’s right to their bodies, sexuality, expression and independence.
This is the first collage in the upcoming “The Red Stories” suite. Girls, we are not keeping our mouths shut any longer! This is part of my #metoo story.